HUMOUR:Bird hunter discovers the existence of serious competitors

I have discovered, the hard way, the bitter fact that it is very important to run a reality check frequently, especially when you are in a situation that is likely to blind you from what is going on around you.

I have discovered, the hard way, the bitter fact that it is very important to run a reality check frequently, especially when you are in a situation that is likely to blind you from what is going on around you.

 I am talking about situations where one finds himself enjoying success to levels where he gets dead drunk on it to the extent that it is hard to convince them that a downfall is possible.

It is just the same way when you possess a brand car running smoothly and powerfully, and you happen to have the illusion that this can go on forever without taking the car for maintenance.

The same way, when you see things running smoothly, don’t you ever let yourself bask in the illusion that things will run smoothly forever otherwise you might be awaken to a rude shock.

That is what happened to me. I had been basking in the glory of being the undisputed bird hunter for so long that I did not see any possibility of anyone challenging me to this title, not now, not in the future.

Well, perhaps I was right because I have failed to see any worthy contender to my regional bird hunting title but then little did I know that there was a possibility of some smart guys who, having failed to dethrone me, would decide to mutate into some other form of unconventional bird hunters.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you this group of lazy and lousy pseudo bird hunters who are locally known as abapfubuzi.

These characters are a society ulcer whose most suitable place should be in confinement.

For preservation of my otherwise good upbringing and reputation I will not try to explain the meaning of that word because it has vulgar and annoying connotations.

All I can comfortably tell you is that there is a group of dangerous young men in town who are wrecking havoc and tearing homes and families apart. Being illicit, their bird hunting operations are very clandestine.

It is quite difficult to recognize one of these criminals masquerading as bird hunters because at face value they look quite striking both in looks and in appearance.

These fellas are in bird hunting not as a noble calling like me but as a way to earn a living.

That is why they dress, talk and even live in a peculiar way. My investigations have revealed that most of these magendo bird hunters have no other profession apart from doing magendo bird hunting and therefore wake up every, dress up smartly and head to the city center where they perch in strategic corners of the town, waiting for prey.

This is how they operate; they are young men in their twenties and early thirties who are taking advantage of the fast crumbling marriage institution.

I hear they prey on unhappily married women, especially the type who think that their hubbies don’t give them quality time after the kids go to sleep.

That is why they decide to seek love services elsewhere to compensate for what they don’t get at home.

That is why you will find these ‘love doctors’ mingling freely with money changers in town. That is because they also sell love on the black market.

These ‘love launderers’ are so good at their trade and know what it takes to attract ‘clients.’ To look like a good ‘service provider,’ they know so well that they don’t have to look like the hubbies who spot beer bellies and fluffy muscles.

That is why they are good clients of gym clubs and sauna and massage parlors.

If you want to recognize a ‘love doctor’ when you see one, just look out for what birds like to call a hank.

He will be tall, good looking and smooth faced due to good feeding and lack of stress which is normally an identity of the work place.

You will definitely find him dressed in a tight t-shirt that displays the contours of his muscles which he will definitely be displaying to attract ‘clients.’

Problem is, it is not only love ‘starved’ clients who have an eye for these Schwarzenegger look-alikes these days. It looks like all birds have suddenly developed an interest in the kanyamas leaving the hunting grounds seriously depleted.

My pride will not allow me to go to the gym to work on my muscles because that would be stooping too low. I don’t want these guys to win this battle and that is why I am opening up a war on them.

I am going to expose them so that everyone can see clearly that they are cheating. See you in court next weeK.