HUMOUR:“Grasshoppers and Water Shortage”

In those far off lands in which we were born and brought up (save for a decade and a half ago), the two items (grasshoppers and water) were almost synonymous or can we say complementary (as the economists would say). The presence of one strongly depends on the presence of the other. I am not trying to be so philosophical, imagine the presence of tea without sugar! I know some not so African and English for that, would say that, Sugar is not useful to the body, it causes someone to suffer from “indwara y’isukali” (sugar sickness). This reminds me of a guy from the hills of Mulenge, this chap had a wife that was seriously sick, he took her to a “dakitari”, I suppose a physician (general medicine practitioner and not a gynaecologist). After several tests and examinations of this and that, the good dakitari called the man aside; with a sombre face and in a poignant voice, he proceeded to announce, “I am afraid to inform you that, your wife is seriously sick, she is suffering from too much sugar” (read diabetic). The guy from the Mulenge hills could not contain his excitement any more, he jumped up and down saying, “I knew this, dakitari, please do not reduce the sugar”. Back to the “grasshoppers” and water, those of you not in the know of what I am talking about, hoppers are small insects that come in various colours, green, brown, pink etc. In those lands, the damn insects used to “fall” in May and December, normally when there is plenty of moisture; the situation in “the land of a thousand hills” is the reverse! This time round the year, we are facing a real water crisis, thank God we aint rearing any cattle in this city of ours, we would have been forced to drive our herds to Nyabarongo for an afternoon drink, eh! These days, I have been forced to “dry clean” my clothes due to scarcity of the precious commodity, my tap ran dry nearly two months ago; as a matter of fact, I’m only able to receive “gas water”, the taps only hiss and pass out gas as if they are having “bad stomachs”. I have to hang my shits and trousers out for a night, the night dew does the magic, it dry cleans them, making them odourless by morning time, and they are ready for yet another cycle of wearing. The “grasshoppers” are giving “chain keepers” both sleepless days and nights as they both compete with each other for the precious creatures a.k.a. men! The other day, I was stunned by the way most of the streets of Kigali have become littered or is it, decorated with this brand of “grasshoppers”. It is increasingly becoming very difficult to drivestraight, not that the roads have got any bad (save for those in Nyamirambo) but because there are many “obstructions” moving to and fro along both sides of the roads or even trying to cross the very roads. Last week, as I was in the company of Gafaranga, he decided to give me a lift in his “new” TOYOTA TUNDRA pickup truck; I bet most of you have had a glimpse on the gigantic Black metallic creature; it bears number plates (Plaque) from Arnold Swaznigger’s California state. Of course most of you couldn’t have had a chance to have a glimpse of me seated in one of the passenger seats because, the “burger vehicle” has all its windows tinted. Maybe Gafaranga does not want any of us stealing his show! While looking at some “grasshoppers” trying to cross the road from Verma’s place to NAKUMAT, Gafaranga missed hitting a motorcyclist by the skin of his teeth. I hope these “insects” will be gone sooner than later, otherwise, the rate of motor accidents in the city centre might go up drastically. Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm