I won’t even try to sound like my normal bubbly self…I’m in agony and the worst of it all is that it is all self-inflicted.
Anyone who has been following my escapades over the months and years knows that I’m a party animal without rival but my reputation has been taking hits like mad these last couple of months.
First of all was my sobriety; everyone knows that previous to my change of tact, I was one of the most prominent tax payers via Bralirwa.
I was a prominent member of the drunko-fraternity with an overwhelming bias towards the green Mutzig bottle and its contents.
Yes Mesdames and Monsieur’s…I was an unrepentant drunk. But this all changed…some guys think it’s because I found religion …or I’d found a girlfriend who frowned on drinking …but the truth is that they where all wrong.
First about the religious bit; can anyone tell me JC’s first miracle? If I remember correctly, it had something about turning water into something a bit stronger. So, I didn’t stop enjoying a pint because of religion.
Yes, the girlfriend didn’t enjoy a pint herself but she was nice enough to let me enjoy my beer in peace…she never nagged me or even mentioned it. So, it wasn’t the ladies fault as some fellows thought.
In fact, we aren’t exactly a couple anymore and haven’t been for a few months, so, if it was because I was being henpecked I’d have returned to the bottle with a vengeance. But I haven’t.
So, here is the real reason. I’d been growing a belly of colossal proportions and, one day, I decided enough was enough. The belly had to go.
So I started jogging to cut the bloody weight; I then read somMinister of Water’. But drinking copious amounts of water have never stopped me having a good time.
And a good time…as defined by the OB…is ‘any place that has an abundance of the female-folk, music and dim lighting’.
Everyone who reads a paper, listens to a radio or watches a TV knows that some Jamaican songbirds were in the country for a few performances. The first one was in Gisenyi last Saturday.
Thinking that the place was going to a waste of my time and money (especially my money!) I refused to go …despite the best implorations from my mates. And guess what?
According to the reliable reports, the situation was dreamlike-especially for us guys. The ladies there were in plentiful supply and ‘dark corners’ were everywhere. At least that’s what one happy fellow told me smugly.
I want to die…how could I miss that opportunity? Why did anyone warn me that things would be like that? ARGHHH!