Allow me to react to Isabella Isiji’s article, “He loves you but he just can’t say it?” (The New Times [Women Today magazine], September 19).
We should accept the fact that men are not women and so the vice versa. According to research in gender and communication, girls’ friendships focus on making connections – talk is essential to this process.
Sharing secrets, relating experiences, revealing problems and discussing options are essential during girls’ development.
Yet boys generally take another approach to friendship. Their camaraderie is not less profound; it’s just different.
Buddy groups tend to be larger, focusing on activities rather than conversation. Please remember that this is a generalisation. Not all men or women fit this model. But the majority of them do.
The research I referred to is from Deborah Tannen, professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, in her book: “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”.
I recommend this book to every lady who wants to understand men.
Rashid Swaleh, New York, United States
I don’t know why but men seem to be the one suffering from this epidemic than women. I would think it’s how a man has been raised and of course his ego. Most men have the notion that when you say those three magic words (I love you) you are exposing your weakness or your soft side. Your wife or girlfriend will not take you seriously or something close to that. That is my view.
Kimani Wamu, Kigali