How to hide stolen money

Let me start by clearly stating that I don’t condone theft of any kind and in fact, I haven’t stolen anyone’s money.

Let me start by clearly stating that I don’t condone theft of any kind and in fact, I haven’t stolen anyone’s money.

Wait, I actually did steal once but it was years ago and I was a kid! I must have been five or six and I remember wandering into a neighbour’s house. My parents were renting at the time and people only locked their doors at night.


I happened to be friends with the kids next-door and in fact we attended the same school so one afternoon, I walked into their house so we could play as we usually did only to find them sleeping. You know how afternoon naps were mandatory then! Before I could wake them up, I saw a few coins on the floor and I picked up some and sneaked out.


No prizes for guessing my next stop. The nearest shop to our house where I bought some greasy mandazi. In my defence, I did share with my friends but the “feast” was interrupted when their mother stopped by our house later that evening. Immediately, I knew I was in trouble.


My friends must have been half asleep or something and I wonder why they didn’t just speak up because then, I wouldn’t have taken the money! Long story short, I got several slaps from my Mum and that was it for me and stealing, at least in the conventional sense of the word.

I don’t want to sound judgmental but as grown-ups, we should all know that stealing is wrong. In essence, you’re taking something that belongs to someone else and that’s not right. I know I’m about to contradict myself but don’t you feel like if someone does steal, they should at least be smart about it? It’s crazy how people pull off heists, usually at banks only to take the money home. Reading about Nigeria’s Spy Chief who was caught with $43 million, I couldn’t believe he didn’t do a better job covering his tracks!

Like come on! If your job is to spy, no one should even know where you live or what properties you own. Hasn’t he watched any movies? Secondly, everyone knows you do whatever you have to do to hide the evidence. Who in their right mind would put all those millions in one basket?

What if someone breaks in or the house catches fire? You have to spread the loot! And if you must keep the money in the house, get creative. Don’t stash it cabinets or even safes because that is exactly where the police will search first! Try the ceiling and do a nice paint job afterwards or even better, the backyard.

I’m telling you, no one ever checks there. Oh may be they will after reading this! In all seriousness though, if this man did indeed steal all that money, please “lock him up”. I’m just curious as to how he got his hands on it. Did he withdraw it in one go or kept getting smaller amounts to avoid suspicion? He claims it was meant for overt security operations. Nice try.

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