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Disgruntled Single Female: What is forgiveness?

When someone hurts you, the first natural reaction is going into murderous rage. You want to pay them back for what they have done. Hurt them in a way from which they will never recover. They have caused you pain so they deserve pain, you think.

When someone hurts you, the first natural reaction is going into murderous rage. You want to pay them back for what they have done. Hurt them in a way from which they will never recover. They have caused you pain so they deserve pain, you think.

Following the path of rage and vengeance brings nothing good.Jail is partly made up of people who took that path. Alternatively, if you revenge there might be retaliation and you might end up getting hurt again. Either way, you are likely to spend your life bitter and heavy-hearted.

It is always better to forgive. Of course, forgiveness is not easy. It requires a lot of courage. It does not bring you justice or wipe away the memory of what has been done. But at least it brings you peace.

So what is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is when you don’t wish for bad things to happen to the person who hurt you. You don’t petition God or karma to pay them back. You don’t say things like “vengeance is for the Lord.” Or “karma is a female dog.”

You don’t look forward to the day when they will need your help and you will leave them hanging dry.

You know that you’ve forgiven someone if you are in a position to help them and you do. And not because you are trying to be the bigger person but because you would have helped another person the same way. Forgiveness also means that your heart is so open to the person who hurt you that you can ask for or accept their help.

Forgiveness is when it is no longer necessary to narrate the story again and again. As long as you still need to relive a painful moment and paint someone as the villain in your story, you still haven’t moved on. It does not help to add “but I forgave the person anyway.”

Forgiveness is unconditional. It means that you don’t say, “I’ve given her a last chance.” It is to be done unreservedly so that the person who hurt you does not have to walk on eggshells around you if they stay in your life.This does not mean allowing them to make you a doormat. It simply means being realistic and knowing that human beings will ultimately falter.

You know that you’ve truly forgiven someone when you don’t need an apology. When you don’t need their remorse. You don’t need to know why they hurt you. It doesn’t matter if they hurt you by accident or on purpose.

Forgiveness is not denial of pain and pretending that someone’s hurtful actions do not affect you. It is not about faking a smile and a hug to prove to them that you’re invincible. It is about accepting that you’ve been hurt and healing from the pain.

Forgiveness is when you finally feel light-hearted. When the thought of a painful incident does not bring about heartache. When you can see the person who hurt you without having flashbacks of what they did. He or she is now just a person, and not a person who hurt you.

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