Disgruntled Single Female: Love is anything but unconditional

Every time I hear someone say the words, “I will always love you no matter what, “I always risk an implosion from holding in so much laughter and judgment. The health risk is even higher when the person on the receiving end of that grand lie becomes mushy and/or says it back.

Every time I hear someone say the words, “I will always love you no matter what, “I always risk an implosion from holding in so much laughter and judgment. The health risk is even higher when the person on the receiving end of that grand lie becomes mushy and/or says it back.

You see “no-matter-what” is a wildly exaggerated declaration of commitment to another person. It provides the insinuation of unconditional love that we humans are incapable of providing. There are no exceptions to this rule.

 

For instance, what do you say when you describe the person you love? You say that s/he is kind. S/he is sensitive. S/he is gentle. S/he is responsible. S/he is not bad to look at. And so on and so forth. 

 

Now ask yourself: if that person’s behavior drastically changed for the worse, would you continue to love them unreservedly? Would you continue to open your heart and not in any way get affected by their actions? Would you happily be their punching bag and doormat?

 

If you have answered honestly, your answer is “no”. And this is because when someone stops behaving in a way that made you fall in love with them, they stop fulfilling the conditions of your love. You become uncomfortable. You get scared and insecure and hurt.

So you try to make the person you love return to the right path. You talk to them. You complain. You report them to the man upstairs. And sometimes as a final act, you withdraw your affection either permanently or until the person goes back to fulfilling the conditions of your love.

Of course, not everyone leaves when ‘love turns sour.’ But those who stay do not do it because their love is unconditional. There are many other reasons such as financial security, public image and even culture.

Okay even if we don’t even get into discussing the complicatedness and general exhaustiveness of relationships let me ask you this: why does unrequited love hurt so much? 

I mean if you truly love this person (because true love is unconditional, apparently), why should it matter how they feel? Why do you fight to hear them say it back? 

Why can’t you just accept to be in the friendzone, do all those nice things for them and then happily congratulate them when they end up with someone else? Why do you get jealous and outraged when they choose another person over you to the point of cutting them out of your life?

The answer is simple; love is anything but conditional.

So the next time you tell someone, “I love you,” just leave it at that. To add words such as “always” “no matter what” is to lie, not only to the recipient of those words but to yourself as well.

Because the truth is that we humans can’t love someone “always” unless that person returns and continues to deserve our love. There is nothing unconditional about that.

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