Being broke is a bitter fact of adult life. To be broke is to be without money, to be penniless and, like we all know; no money, no life. But where there is a will, there’s a way. The creative mind that you are, you can surely survive! Go sports betting That’s a lie. I would have recommended sports betting but my personal sense of moral responsibility towards you, reader and towards wider society dictates otherwise. In my carefully considered view, betting is a fun-filled leisure activity designed for deep-pocketed people to splash their dime. Betting has never been a way in which broke people earn money. Listen to the radio By this I mean to say put these three songs on replay because they have been proven to mitigate the debilitating lethargy that comes with brokenness. The songs are Indoro, by Nina and Charly; Velo, by Diane Teta, and from across the border in Uganda, Juicy Juicy by Moze Radio and Weasel. To manage brokenness, be like my Congolese and Nigerian friends who consider food like chips and rice and spaghetti to be “paper weight” in the most literal sense of the word. So when you go to that office buffet, pile up on only carbohydrates and roughage. Know and cherish the fact that there’s safety in numbers like the old idiom teaches. So the mere fact that you are not alone in this hell called brokenness should offer enough solace. “We are in this thing together”, say emphatically to yourself every time that those familiar raw feelings of anger and despair and worthlessness and envy toward those that have rear up their ugly face. If you’re a beer guzzler, do stick to only the warm ones as these get to your head quicker. Also, if you have been drinking Guinness, it’s high time you switched to the more pocket-friendly ‘poor man’s Guinness’ –Turbo King. Why fight with life? Haul all your chargeable electronic devices like mobile phones, tablets, power banks, laptops, iPads and iPods to your workplace and do the battery charging from there. Yes, desperate situations call for desperate measures. That Rwf 2,000 electricity bill or even less that could have accrued from charging said devices from your home is not nothing. Stock up on more handkerchiefs and sanitary towels because there is no sight more disturbing than that of a sweaty, panicky and irritable broke person oozing water from their facial pores like a frog straight out of the pond, but whose lips are cracking from dehydration. Increase you presence and activity on what has aptly been termed ‘the poor man’s recreation’ – Facebook. While there, post heavily photoshopped images of fancy exotic hotel food, then proceed to complete it with the caption –‘lunch is ready’, or ‘come for lunch’. Ever heard of the saying that when you lie to your own self too often, you eventually start to believe your own lie? That’s right. After splashing said photoshopped pictures of the imaginary fancy restaurant food you are having for lunch, you will start to believe that you are indeed not hungry. For the meat lovers, instead of boring and character-less regular meat, go for the much cheaper, but far better option – imifupa. When I was much younger we used to relish the saying that the closer to the bone, the sweeter the meat. That saying is not for nothing and certainly it wasn’t coined by a mad man.
