Why married parents should do their best to avoid divorce

Editor, Reference is made to the article, “Divorce: Is it an option?” (The New Times, May 1). I couldn't agree more with Ms Doreen Umutesi on the good points she raised, especially the adverse effects that divorce causes to children of the divorced family.

Editor,

Reference is made to the article, “Divorce: Is it an option?” (The New Times, May 1).

I couldn't agree more with Ms Doreen Umutesi on the good points she raised, especially the adverse effects that divorce causes to children of the divorced family.

Causes of divorce are diverse but the most common one that manifests itself on the side of our sisters these days is marrying someone to get a share of their material possessions upon divorce. Today, many ladies marry not because of the love they have for the poor guys but for their hard-earned possessions.

For such a lady, I would like to advise you that if you know well that your intention of marriage is to feed your gold-digger’s habits, never plan to have children. Children get caught up in your mess and as a result, it denies them a proper childhood life, parenting and their life is turned upside down regardless of which parent stays with them.

In the past, our mothers and grandmothers had golden hearts and that held the family together even when their spouses were alcoholic or had constant domestic violence practices. Mothers in the past were not as materialistic as those of today.

Ms Umutesi made a good point that marriage laws in Rwanda today facilitate opportunists, who unfortunately are many. She is right; those who marry for other reasons other than love exploit the loopholes in the existing marriage laws and, because of information asymmetry between the man and the woman, they often become the winners. They come with a plan, execute it through many ways, including getting on your nerves, when you react, and then play the victim card and the law protects them more than men.

I don't know any man who marries with divorce on his mind in the next few months or years, but this is common with women.

I think our MPs should identify these loopholes in the marriage/divorce law and close them.

There are few families that I know of and I would like to applaud for choosing to stick together until their offspring become independent. Kids' rights should be protected in all respects, including having a proper parenting environment from both parents as a family.

Men have their own faults too: they run after beauty. When beauty fades your love should not fade but should grow stronger. Remember when you fell for her she was beautiful too; always look at her with the lenses you used when you first met her.

Infidelity is the main weakness for men although some women are not angels either. Keep the love, the family, the patience, the talking, open up and ask why if you have too, say sorry if you offend and forgive if your other half genuinely asks for forgiveness.

Paul Markov

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