MAN TALK:I bullied him and now he’s gone

I come from an abusive family and I’m therefore sometimes verbally and physically abusive towards my now ex-fiancé whom I want back. I called off the wedding and I realise now it was because I was afraid of being dumped first. He did some things that gave me valid reason to be suspicious of his behaviour.

I come from an abusive family and I’m therefore sometimes verbally and physically abusive towards my now ex-fiancé whom I want back. I called off the wedding and I realise now it was because I was afraid of being dumped first. He did some things that gave me valid reason to be suspicious of his behaviour.

But I confronted him and he repeatedly said that he wasn’t stepping out on me.  I think I believe him. I try hard to control my anger and not push him around but I feel that it is not something I can fix overnight. I need your help because I want him back.

Sarah 28

The Men Respond


»Collins:

It is done


You had a fiancé who you physically and verbally abused over and over, you went ahead to cancel the wedding and after a while, it sunk in that you had lost it and you are now looking to turn back and seek forgiveness.

No matter what he could have done, there was no reason for you to get physical with him.

Being a man, there was no way he would have fought back or hit you back but instead of noticing that, you probably fought harder.

It is too late to turn the tide now, what is done is done and the impression of you that is stuck in his mind won’t let him want you back.

Your best bet might be to try to get him to forgive you and remain friends but there is no possible way that he will  go down on one knee again.

You need to take that as a lesson to keep you from repeating your behaviour and learning to manage and control your anger.

Forget about him for now.
 
Collins, 26, is married

»Patrick:


Change your ways and he will  come back to you

I would say you have already solved half of the situation by just realising your mistake. I admire your courage and honesty and if it were in my power to get the two of you back together, I would most definitely do that. I commend you for your strength.

Most people who behave abusively refuse to admit it.  I understand that you were afraid

You must remember to deal with these two issues: first resolve the abusive behaviour and, second, see whether you can save the relationship. They are connected. I believe that if your boyfriend knows that you are committed to solving the problem, he will feel safer about being with you. Think about how you would feel if he was the one hitting you. It’s not just wrong when a man does it my dear.

If what you had was indeed special, trust me he is all yours and is waiting for you to work on your issues and change.

Patrick, 22, is in stable relationship.

»Martin:

What do you want him back for?


Let me see if I get this straight - you used to beat on your man, you abused him too, you then went ahead to dump him before the wedding and now you want him back? You are one heck of a woman!

Listen sweetheart, you need to let the man be - let him go find someone who will respect him and treat him like a man, not a problem! I hate women like you - thinking beating a man doesn’t hold as much water as beating a woman does.

I am not one to hit a woman but you need help. For your sake and the sake of others, please go get help and stop trying to convince yourself that you are normal. You went through a bad childhood, we get it, now go get help for your own sanity.

This man was even patient, considering he didnt dump you ages ago. How he even propsed is a myestery. Let him be.

Martin,29, is single

 

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