Lose the fat and get the ring

“Tell me, what would you do if I lost weight?”My best friend and I were in the musings of the same tired conversation we usually had at each other’s birthday: Are we more than friends? We never seemed to get past this statement but this time he did.

“Tell me, what would you do if I lost weight?”

My best friend and I were in the musings of the same tired conversation we usually had at each other’s birthday: Are we more than friends? We never seemed to get past this statement but this time he did.

Without any hesitation he replied, “I would ask you to marry me.” Finally, we had a resolution. Never mind that my mouth was half-full with a burger. Then, he started talking about my weight. I thought we were now getting somewhere considering he usually never complained about it regardless of how he felt.

His statement hurt me but, I kind of expected it. Before the end of last year, I was nearly 113Kgs with no signs of slowing down considering that I was adding 1.5Kgs per month. None of this bothered me at all. It seemed like I was incapable of finding love and care. I didn’t even try to take good care myself.

The more I ate, the less I exercised. Sweat was my sworn enemy. I surrounded myself with anything categorised as junk food: burgers, pizzas, cake, fries and lots of high fat liquids. I turned into a couch-potato since I was doing most of my work from the comfort of my sitting-room. I was a ticking time bomb.

I displayed low-levels of maturity when it came to relationships. My big size didn’t do me justice. I developed an inferiority complex. I thought that since I was overweight, any man asking me out would be doing me a favour. My best friend cautioned me. He told me that any man would be smitten with my beauty regardless of my size. This reassurance did nothing to stop me; I wished he hadn’t actually tried to uplift my moods. I dismissed the grief I heard in his voice when I had to tell him about an emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of men that had no business handling me at all.

For six years, he watched a confident and curvy girl with lots of ambition and energy change to an anxious and obese woman who spent her half her day’s time on the couch with something fried, sweet, or both. He didn’t abandon me. He waited for the slightest indication of the self-confident girl he once knew. On my side, I showed him that I was out of hand and had no plan. Eventually, he figured it was high time to tell me.

I was sure that I wanted to lose weight, look good and young again but I was afraid of the work I was supposed to put in. I thought it was impractical. Instead of allowing him to help me, I admonished him. I told him that he didn’t love me. I reasoned that love would not notice my big size and short height. Perplexed, he just looked at me and gave me the look of “I know you really want to lose but afraid of the workload”.

I tried to console myself with the idea that there are men out there that will love me regardless of my size. I went out with men who accepted my size but they weren’t for me. I decided to go on a road-trip throughout East Africa; it was thrilling but empty. When I was in Kenya, I signed up for a weight loss surgery but my fears couldn’t let me give in. I wanted to solve my problem without having to lift a finger.

Running away from my problem added me seven more kilograms and back to him, on his birthday and more baggage than I left with. Nonetheless, he was there patiently waiting for me and still my best friend and ready to support me. His workout playlists made runs bearable. He threw away all the junk food I was feeding on and got me recipes of healthy food. And when he gave up his favorite foods to share with me my fat-free foods, I loved him more.

This made me realize that he didn’t love me for what I am. I figured that if he did, he would have married someone else but he chose to help me and show me that there’s more to me than my weight. Most probably, I would also have been married to someone. I went out with men who thought my weight was a part of me, but I could not fool a man who had loved me for more than six years.  I made the resolve to change because I realized that I couldn’t afford to miss out on being loved genuinely. No piece of chicken-drumsticks is worth that.

I started to think that I was doing it for him but now I know it was all for me. He was the mechanism, but I am the reason. I want to keep as healthy as possible. However, it right to acknowledge that there’s nothing sexier than getting your body in shape while your man happily cheers you on.

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