Ever since I hit puberty, my parents always called “boys” a distraction. They hammered in my head that boys were no good as anything more than friends until “you were done with university”.
So of course I did what any sensible teenager would do and got a boyfriend, actually two; I like to pretend the first one didn’t really exist but I have high school friends to remind me of that little blunder in life every once in awhile. Of course, there was always some flirting here and there but I was quick to put these young men in the friend zone, maybe subconsciously it was me respecting my parents’ wishes.
Then I hit the beautiful age of 15 and a young very handsome man entered my life and didn’t leave until the ripe age of 21 when I realised I wanted to kind of see the world and didn’t want any luggage.
I always wonder what could have happened to us if we had stayed together but you can’t dwell on the past with these things. That was the age I decided that men were nothing but a burden.
I had never understood what my parents really meant when they warned me to stay away from boys at that young age. That breakup let me get focused on my career and my “hustle” without always thinking of someone else at that time.
I wasn’t ready or capable of that. I did well in school and definitely got to travel on a whim for a long time without wondering what I will do with ‘my boo’ back at home. It was great.
Were there dates and men here and there? Not as many as you would think simply because I never wanted to be attached and have a distraction and go through what my friends were going through at that age.
There were a few who would fill up my phone with sweet nothings and I have been known to bake one of them a cake on his birthday (never again), but I look back and see what my parents meant.
I saw a quote: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”. This is a great outlook to have on life. We have to stop seeing men as distractions unless they are of course, but if a good man comes into your life and is the support system you need then why see him any other way?
I, like many people, have definitely had moments of self-doubt where I needed someone to give me that kick in the butt to go out and achieve my goals and whoever I’m in a relationship with at that time has been there to push me and remind me that I was very capable of completing my goal.
I have grown from the little girl that could not tell the difference of who was good or bad for my health, I no longer need my parents to help me with this.
As I have told you in the past there are positive and great relationships with men and women and then there are toxic relationships, we all need to be aware of these. So women don’t get too focused on that career you are chasing to think a man can’t fit in there and be good for you.
Try it out with the right person and see how it works.
21st century women, do you still see men as a distraction?