Diaspoman: How Transform Africa transformed me…

I RECENTLY got a kiraka in some big company here in Kigali. I am working as a specialist in computer databases. With the little knowledge that I had acquired from the Diaspora, I can at least be able to start and shut down a computer. So, when I fluked this kiraka, I convinced myself that I was a real expert in ICT all the way from the Diaspora. The timing of this kiraka was perfect. It coincided with the time when Rwanda was hosting some world leaders at this ICT conference called Transform Africa. I felt that it was the right time for me to seriously polish my database skills. The Transform Africa Summit had to be the right forum for me. All I had to do was to stay in tune with the trends. That is why I refused to dress up in T-shirts and Levis Jeans. Instead, I insisted on dressing up in my Diaspora suits and neck-ties. I also insisted on shaving my head clean! It was so clean that even you could see your own reflection as if you were using a mirror. Okay, here I was entering this office as if I was the overall boss. I sat in my corner where I started to input the old and dusty data into the computer. Obviously, it was not so surprising when some people popped into the office and mistook me to be the real boss. When I showed them who the boss was, they found it hard to hide their astonishment. My boss was always in T-shirts while I was the one dressed to kill. I think the boss has started to think that I could be fighting for his job! Anyways, in the evenings I walked through the streets with a folder under my armpit. Whenever I met anyone who knew me, I told them that I was attending the Transform Africa Summit. I told them that I was into IT and that the opportunities to Transform Africa ware enormous. The people I talked to tended to believe that what I was telling them was true! Once I realized that this trick was working, I started to believe that I could also transform myself to other things. I told myself that if we can transform Africa that easily, I too could transform myself into someone’s husband. So, with this kiraka of mine, I have managed to convince some unsuspecting chicks that I am one of the organisers of Transform Africa Summit. I even risked losing my kiraka by inviting the chicks at lunch time to visit my so called office. I timed their visits around lunch time when my boss was out for lunch. That is when I called in the chicks for a tour around “my office.” I took them to my boss’s office to give them a soft drink. I slumped myself into the boss’s leather chair and then lifted my legs onto the desk. The chicks were amazed! Wow, is this really your office? Oh yes, feel free and relax! Then I opened the small refrigerator and gave them some sodas. We continued to enjoy the ambience of my boss’s office until lunch time was over. It was time for my boss to come back and so I had to find a way of getting rid of these chicks. I asked them to leave but they became stubborn. They insisted that they wanted to surf the internet and send some e-mails to their friends. They also wanted to use the office phone to call their friends abroad. I was already sensing trouble. I began to tremble because anytime my boss would catch us. So, I had to play it cool by indirectly bribing the girls. I cajoled them into having lunch with me outside. Since these were not baturage girls, they recommended that I buy them lunch at the Lemigo Hotel. I had no choice. It was either an expensive lunch at Lemigo or losing my kiraka forever…