Should I stay for the baby?

Well, I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years now and we have a two-year-old son. I love my baby-daddy very much but we fight all the time, since we had the baby. We fight over everything from his mother to money - it’s terrible.

Well, I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years now and we have a two-year-old son. I love my baby-daddy very much but we fight all the time, since we had the baby. We fight over everything from his mother to money - it’s terrible.

I would love to stay with him and make things work, but I find myself lately missing that spark we had when the relationship had just started. I want to feel that again, maybe with someone else, maybe with him. I just want to be happy. I would never cheat on him, but lately I’ve been tempted to. Please if you can help me in any way I’ll appreciate it. Thank you.

 

Catherine, 35

 

Leave while your dignity and sanity are still intact. 

 

Sorry to hear that fights with you partner have become a routine.

I think you should begin by finding out why despite all these fights, you have stayed put; you have never called it quits. If it is because of the baby, you are a hero for trying to see to it that your child grows up with both parents.  

Now that you no longer feel like you want to be with him and you pick up fights for the smallest reasons, it would be good to leave and begin elsewhere, assuming you don’t want your child to grow up seeing his parents quarrel.  

When you can no longer feel the spark, it could be that he has also changed since you had the baby and his affections are directed towards the baby more than they are to you.  

It could be that you also show him less affection and all your attention is directed towards the baby, ignoring him. For the sake of your own sanity, I suggest you do something about your situation.

Collins, 26, is married

***

You can’t quit on a rleationship because of arguments!

I can’t promise that you’ll get the spark back after everything you’ve said, mostly about thinking of being with someone else to be happy. 

You two have a child; will you leave every man you fight with just because of continuous arguments? These things happen in relationships but the thoughts you are having should be a last resort.

Here’s what I recommend; you both need to learn how to properly communicate the stuff that’s bothering you. 

Take turns listening to each other. Get angry if you must, but sit down and work it out, and think before saying anything you’ll regret.

When you settle this, you will be shocked how much things can change by just letting your partner know how you really feel.

Patrick, 22, is in stable relationship

***

Once the spark is gone it can’t come back!

It looks to me like you already know what to do. This isn’t about what’s best for the baby. If you are not happy, you need to find yourself a different environment because under such stress, you won’t be even half the parent your child deserves. I know it’s hard after 10 years but if everything else has failed, what are you going to do?

You haven’t mentioned if he is willing to work things out. Is he fed up too? How often do you actually speak without yelling at each other? Put all this into consideration. Your situation is unhealthy for all of you. 

Follow your gut, that’s the one thing you can always rely on. Just try not to do anything without thinking through it very carefully.

Martin, 29, is single

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