We are emotionally estranged!

I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy that I love so much. However, there has been some emotional distance of late. This happened after I became close with a friend whom I had a crush on though we never used to speak until now. We text each other almost all day.

I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy that I love so much. However, there has been some emotional distance of late. This happened after I became close with a friend whom I had a crush on though we never used to speak until now. We text each other almost all day.

Somehow I feel like am losing my guy to this other friend. The other day I told my guy that I wanted some time to think things over and now we are not even talking. I honestly don’t know how to handle it because we had a minor conflict. I really do love him and I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose the other guy either as he is sort of my best friend.

 

I’m not sure if am cheating on him emotionally. Do I need to choose? How do I bridge the gap since we are in a long distance relationship? 

 

Christine, 24

 

These long distance things don’t work.

For you to be well committed emotionally to somebody you need to see them often or else distance will get in between what you have. As much as you love him, you don’t have the chance to meet and share with him as often as you would like and someone else is filling that void and making you happy even though you are afraid to admit it.

The space that is coming between you and your boyfriend is understandable. You feel emotionally empty because most of the time all you have between you and your boyfriend are words. 

You are also afraid that you will lose them both, one as a friend and another as a boyfriend. The best thing would probably be to come out clean about how you feel about the guy who is close to you.

The boundaries you set emotionally are not sustainable; the heart is not so smart about such choices.

Life is lived once. Don’t be afraid to move on.

Collins, 26, is married

***

Don’t be a liar

There is no conflict in your life. It’s quite simple here. You don’t want to lose your boyfriend and yet you spend your day texting a guy you used to crush on but is also a best friend. How can you have them both without feeling guilty? 

To be honest what you are doing is wrong hence the bad feeling. Take a good look at yourself, have some discipline and figure out if you are being honest with any of these guys. You will discover that your feelings are mixed. Humans often use emotions to act instead of using their head! This other guy isn’t just a best friend to you. You have feelings for each other. And this will create problems in the long run seeing as you don’t want to lose your boyfriend.

If you still truly love your boyfriend and think the long distance is worth it, then great! But if deep down the new guy is the one you want, stop wasting time. Don’t be a liar or a cheater!

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

***

Stick with your boyfriend

It’s normal to be attracted to other people, especially when the person you are in love with is far away from you. But you shouldn’t let loneliness or boredom make you believe you are attracted to your friend.

I think you just miss those exciting feelings that you get at the beginning of any relationship. Trust me, even if you decided to dump your man and go after this new one, chances are you’ll find yourself in the same situation again. It’s like a cycle that never ends. This is why it’s good to stay loyal to your partner.

If you really love your boyfriend like you say you do, then you should go slowly with this friend. Stick with your boyfriend and find and ways of communicating with him more often. As for the ‘friend’, let him be just that.

Martin, 29, is single

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