What to do in a toilet emergency

Believe it or not, each and every one of us has had at least one traumatic toilet experience in their lives. This situation is compounded if the said toilet disaster decides to happen when you are away from home, as not having a home advantage during such times is the ultimate misfortune.

Believe it or not, each and every one of us has had at least one traumatic toilet experience in their lives. This situation is compounded if the said toilet disaster decides to happen when you are away from home, as not having a home advantage during such times is the ultimate misfortune.

Question is, what course of action should one take when the unthinkable happens? Let’s see …

To begin with—always check for toilet tissue before getting down, and I wonder if this point should even be stressed! Well, people sometimes get drunk, and when they are drunk, tend to forget easily.

However, should you find that you are done with the business that took you to the toilets and yet there is no sign of tissue, then avoid panic, as this will be like adding salt to injury. Stay calm. Look for Plan B. plan B here could involve feeling around in your pockets for any small piece of paper or cloth or receipts, or if , by chance, there is a wall poster hanging of a person you don’t like, bring it down and let it work in the place of tissue.

If you happen to be in a decent bar or restaurant, they may have hung a few clean sanitary napkins in their loos for your hand drying. Enough said.

Do it at home

“East or West, home is best”, so they say. Bend this rule to your advantage, and apply it to your toilet needs. In other words, use your own home toilet always, and only go for others when you absolutely must. This is because most toilets you will encounter come with their own “issues”, so much so that there are some toilets with poor plumbing that will get blocked by some hardy brands of toilet tissue.

I know of a girl who follows this rule so strictly that, by her own confession, she took about four months to start to use her new boyfriend’s facilities. That is how serious it can get.

Strike a matchbox

If you must use the toilet at someone’s house or in a bar and there are other people waiting to go in after you, the last thing you want is to be incriminated in whatever lingering bad air in the cubicle. This is where matches come in handy. In fact, in future, just move with a match box whenever you are going to a public lavatory. 

Bars and restaurants usually stock matchbooks, so before you get into a mess in the bathroom, ask a waitress for one. Chances are that they will judge you to be a smoker, but only you will know the truth. After you’ve done your business and flushed, strike a match, let it burn for about 5 seconds, blow it out, and throw it in the toilet. Instant results are guaranteed.

Open the windows if you can. Turn on the fan, if there is one. Stay in the bathroom for a few extra minutes to let the situation subside, as long as the people lining up on the door are not already hurling obscenities at you and pounding on the door.

Subscribe to The New Times E-Paper


You want to chat directly with us? Send us a message on WhatsApp at +250 788 310 999    

 

Follow The New Times on Google News