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Marital woes and my child

My wife and I are having some serious relationship issues and I am really afraid it is affecting my child’s performance at school.  What is the best way to deal with this now that we seem to be headed for a divorce? Julius, Kacyiru.

My wife and I are having some serious relationship issues and I am really afraid it is affecting my child’s performance at school.  What is the best way to deal with this now that we seem to be headed for a divorce? Julius, Kacyiru.

Dear Julius,

It is quite unfortunate that you are having family tensions that are spilling over to your child. Break ups are always a tough moment for children. The child is filled with anxiety over what will happen next. Will he be able to see one of the parents again? Will he be able to cope with just one? So many questions will arise.

There are some few things you should avoid if you are to make things smoother for your child. For instance do not make your child the messenger. This will only cause undue emotional stress. Always take the high roads and avoid quarreling in the presence of your child.

Find time to talk to a professional therapist once in a while to help you manage the situation better. More importantly listen to your child. Make time for them so they can understand that despite everything, you will always be there for them.

Try your level best to repair the damage you have already done. It is never too late to undo some of the things since children are remarkably forgiving. Explain in detail exactly what is wrong and then commit to changing your behaviour from that moment on.

It is generally not easy for all parties involved but the child is the innocent party who needs to be protected from your short comings. He needs to maintain emotional stability if he is to continue functioning well at school and in society generally.

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