I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. We’ve been so happy but for the past two weeks, he is complaining about changes in our relationship and how I care less these days. He isn’t the complaining type but I’m shocked by his actions of late.
The way he complains makes me feel like I am making mistakes every now and then. We are a loving couple – at least I thought we were - and I want things to be right. Am I the one in the wrong or is there something going on with him?
It’s time to quit
You have been dating for a year, that’s not much time to learn about each other well enough. It seems to me that you are either not compatible or you are at different points of your lives. By different points of your lives, I mean your priorities are different, he probably wants a lot of attention and you don’t have much time to spare or what makes you happy doesn’t make him happy.
Most people would advise that you work on your relationship but I don’t see the use of saving a sinking ship. The true reflections of yourselves are becoming clear and they are indicating that what makes you happy doesn’t necessarily make him happy.
Though you really love him, it will be difficult for you to love amidst all the complaints and under appreciation. Things won’t get easier, the more he complains the more you will keep trying and you will get frustrated. Life is a onetime thing; spend it with people who appreciate you. All the best.
Collins, 26, is married
Find out what the problem is
I would like to start with the part where you say he isn’t the complaining type. If that is the case then I think it’s time to cross check yourself. When you hurt someone, sometimes you might not know just how much you have hurt them.
And even when they tell you, you won’t see it because you feel like you are doing your best to treat them well.
All you have to do is listen to him; talk to him, let him tell you exactly why he feels like you have changed. You can’t go back to being that loving couple if you do not know how to listen to one another.
It’s pointless to tell someone you love them so much yet they don’t feel it.
Very small changes in how you act can affect the bond between you, and it’s hard to realise it without opening up to each other.
It could be something small, but the more you sit on it, the bigger it will get.
Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship
You have communication issues
Nothing is ever going to change if you do not sit him down and demand to know what is going on with him.
Communication is one of the most important ingredients of a healthy relationship. If you just sit back and wonder, you will never know, and you will only drift further apart.
Since he isn’t the complaining type, then there is a logical explanation for his behaviour. Are you absolutely sure there isn’t anything different about yourself? Perhaps you have indeed changed but haven’t noticed.
Are there certain things you used to do that you don’t do anymore? Think about it. And if you figure it out, again, sit him down and talk about it.
You might not necessarily be in the wrong, but if you don’t ask, you will never find out! So, communicate!
Martin. 29, is single