Sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest word

Dear Its a Guy Thing, My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for a year. It was going well even if we had to be apart for months at a time due to my job. We mutually decided it would be good to break-up and hope for the best in the future.

Dear Its a Guy Thing,

My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for a year. It was going well even if we had to be apart for months at a time due to my job. We mutually decided it would be good to break-up and hope for the best in the future.

Recently, I found out my work would take me to his area so I told with him lots of excitement that I could come visit him. He turned down the offer. I was extremely hurt, I understand the awkwardness that could come up but I thought our friendship would survive this break-up. Is this a guy thing and how do I get over this hurt?

Cecile
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Dear Cecile,

If there is one thing I know about a breakup, it is NEVER mutual. Sure, the both of you can decide that it’s a good idea, but in my experience, there is ALWAYS someone who, deep down, actually didn’t want to break up. In this case, I don’t know whether it was you or the gentleman. If it was you who instigated the breakup, he probably doesn’t want to see you because he’s either bitter or perhaps still carrying feelings for you.

If it was him that broke up with you, then I can see two reasons he doesn’t want you to visit him. Either because he feels guilty about the breakup and thinks seeing you will make it awkward or, barring that, he knows that you might still have feelings for him and he doesn’t want to reciprocate. So, by avoiding you, he’s keeping you away from an awkward situation. Perhaps you guys can be friends one day, but it is obviously a bit too soon.

If you have any queries about the men in your lives, email itsaguything@newtimes.co.rw   

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