Insight: Forgiving infidelity might just save your relationship

No other forms of pain can near the distress and heartbreak brought on by adultery.

No other forms of pain can near the distress and heartbreak brought on by adultery. 

Naturally, forgiveness would be the last thing on someone’s mind if a spouse was unfaithful. As a matter of fact, on finding out that a partner has been dipping his bread in another soup dish; revenge seems like the only logical solution. I mean, the person you believed in the most just took you for a complete fool, so what kind of nonsense is forgiveness, you ask yourself?

As a human, it is normal to feel that way. Leaving it all behind and just accepting someone’s short comings seems impossible. Getting back in the ring especially with the one who knocked you out in the first places seems like too much too ask. You doubt the very thought of forgiveness. But splitting up on the other hand isn’t always the best solution.

Painful as infidelity is, looking past it might just be your saving grace. I am not encouraging people to go out and have affairs simply because there is forgiveness. I am saying that if it happens, especially with married people, forgiveness is worth the shot. Spouses who successfully cope with infidelity often turn out much happier and stronger.

Truth is, it won’t be easy for either one of you. Hard work will be required to repair the broken union. Acknowledging the truth that infidelity indeed transpires is the initial step to handling the situation should it ever occur.

Sure, we would all like to believe that our spouses will never cheat on us but we have got to face realty. It is a hard fact that the marriage institution has been corrupted most especially by infidelity.

The oaths, I am most certain, say something about sticking together through thick and thin; for poorer for richer, in sickness and in health till death do them part. Again, I am certain that these very vows refer to infidelity as well. It beats my understanding why people get married then immediately break every vow like they were being paid to. But this is what it means to stick together.

You are really giving your marriage the opportunity of survival by learning to forgive. You will need to accept the fact that not all relationships can be saved. In the end, it will still be your decision on whether to continue staying with your cheating spouse or not.

Even in relationships where infidelity seems unlikely, trust that there are other issues going on. No relationship is prefect no matter how hard some people try to make it look like it is. Unless the fire burned out and even the last drops of love you shared are dried to nothing, divorce is unrealistic.

Do not be so quick to throw clothes out the window. Sit down together and talk without tearing at each other’s throats. Let them explain in the most civil way possible what made them do what they did. Not that there is any justification, but an explanation, no matter how vague, would suffice. It is really more challenging than it appears but so worth the try of saving something with the potential to be great. The worry of not being fully understood is often what prevents victims of infidelity from articulating what they are feeling and letting their spouse know. Proper communication of what you feel is essential and it can help your marriage even if you’re not dealing with infidelity.

The reason for conveying your feelings is to help you heal as well. You have every right to pin the blame on your spouse but blaming will only make matters worse. A person being blamed will react naturally by being defensive.

You’ll be able to make the marriage function better after an affair only if you are able to completely forgive your unfaithful spouse. Remember that you’re also helping yourself achieve personal tranquility. You have a life to live and forgiveness may help you go on. By forgiving, you’re really letting go of the emotional pressure that you had to carry when you were cheated on.

An excellent sign that an unfaithful spouse is really remorseful is when he or she admits to having an affair even if not yet cornered. If your spouse admits to having an affair without being prompted, this usually shows you that your partner is truly sorry. Only you can figure out whether or not you can still trust your cheating partner. Don’t expect other folks to decide for you. You’re the master of your own destiny.

Separation should only be regarded as a final resort, when the infidelity seems to be spiraling out of control with no consideration for you whatsoever! If you choose to forgive, well and good, just make sure you drag that spouse for as many tests as possible or insist on protection till you do, lest they caught a virus or two!

ADVERTISEMENT