Ernest Bazanye

The Simple Explanation: Why flop artist will Smith is still a star

One thing that is really hard to explain to young adults today is Will Smith. As far as the Zed generation and millennials are concerned, Smith is just this guy who keeps making really big fat movie flops ­— over and over again, as if he is a nimbus cloud raining flops on our heads....

Friday, January 24, 2020, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Prince Harry and Meghan step down

Prince Harry quit his job? How can a senior royal quit their job? They are senior royals; they are already unemployed! Unemployed people can’t quit jobs! Let me explain. The British Royal family used to rule a massive global empire, but have since waned in influence to this small cabal...

Friday, January 17, 2020, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Tyler Perry can’t write women

Tyler Perry is weathering backlash from the latest trailer for his latest upcoming film project ‘Fall from Grace’. Criticism and controversy ring through the air. I would like to explain why. I have not watched said trailer myself, for a few good reasons. The first is that one of the...

Friday, January 10, 2020, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Why did Timberlake apologise for holding hands?

Justin Timberlake was photographed holding hands with Alisha Wainwright, co-star in his upcoming movie Palmer, like him, her, and a group of others sat on a balcony. After this photograph, he posted a social media apology that sounded more fitting if he had been caught slitting her throat, not just...

Friday, January 3, 2020, 12:00 AM

Resolutions: Let’s make it easier this time

Another three hundred and sixty-five and a fraction days of accumulated regrets, failures, mistakes and missed shots is complete, guys. You are older, weaker, more decrepit, more scarred and jaded. You are less attractive, bitterer, worse for wear in most ways. And yet you feel the need to...

Friday, January 3, 2020, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Why Jay-Z stole a phone

First of all, let’s establish that I am not going to call this man Diddy. I call him Sean Puffy Combs. I am too old for this nonsense of changing your name every time the wind blows a different fart out of your trousers. When I first met him he was Sean Puffy Combs, and so if he wants to be...

Friday, December 27, 2019, 1:03 AM

How to survive the office end-of-year party

The annual end of year Christmas office party is a corporate tradition wherein the staff get together to celebrate the achievements of another year in an informal, friendly way. Meaning lots of free food and alcohol. The office party is a minefield. Don’t trust the flashy graphics in the...

Sunday, December 22, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Why is Eminem still dissing Mariah?

Remember the other week when we explained how Eminem is re-releasing his first hit album because he is a jerk? Remember how some of you dismissed my explanation as the uncultured, uncouth, ill-considered rants of a bitter old man (just because I said Eminem was an uncultured, uncouth, bitter old...

Friday, December 20, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Kanye and Taylor made all the money

The list of the richest musicians in the world is out, courtesy of Forbes magazine, that institution venerable for counting other people’s money, and the top two positions are taken by Taylor Swift and Kanye West. Kanye West is so rich that the only person who can lend him a dime is Taylor...

Friday, December 13, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Eminem is re-re-re-rereleasing albums

Eminem is going to re-release his major label debut album The Slim Shady LP in vinyl and CD format this month. He re-released it earlier this year, on the record’s 20th anniversary, so this is more like a ‘re-rerelease’ but this time the CD will feature 30 tracks including a...

Friday, December 6, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Kim K is going to be less sexy. Why?

When Kim Kardashian first got famous she wasn’t wearing much. But people change with time. Let me see if I can do this like a rapper, such as her husband. Kim Kardashian recently said that she will be revealing less. At the behest. Of, you’ll never guess, her husband Kanye West....

Friday, November 29, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Sexiest what alive?

People Magazine announced that the sexiest man alive this year was Mr John Legend. You must be confused right now, wondering where that leaves your crush, that tall, handsome, athletic gentleman over there who sets your soul singing, your heart dancing and your various other attributes attributing...

Friday, November 22, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: RiRi is on a break

How many times does Ariana Grande see that look of disappointment in the audience when she is announced over an unclear PA system, prances onto stage and the thunder of applause subsides to a palpable degree? She looks across the crowd and here and there she spots groups of fans embarrassingly...

Friday, November 15, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: The disturbing, violent joker

‘Joker’ (the film not the dude in your office who steals tweets and rehashes them in meetings) has grossed a billion dollars in revenue, making it the highest grossing film with a restricted rating ever since the world began. This means a lot of people watched it.  But reports...

Friday, November 8, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Lady Gaga’s stolen dress

Someone allegedly stole a dress Lady Gaga wore. And it wasn’t even her dress—she had just borrowed it for a function. They caught the person trying to sell the garment and we’re like “Busted!” What? Lady Gaga has a clothing story that we can all relate to because...

Friday, November 1, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Tyler Perry opens Madeawood

Tyler Perry just bought himself a Hollywood that is even bigger than the actual Hollywood. Let me explain. Who is this Tyler Perry? Does his name sound familiar? Maybe it does because you met him once, when he was homeless, living out of a beat-up old car. You thought of giving him some help,...

Friday, October 18, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Scorsese’s ‘beef’ with superheros

Martin Scorsese said Marvel movies suck, they are awful, what? Do you call that a movie? That isn’t even a cinema. Geddadahere! Then Samuel L Jackson replied, “Where is he? Let him come here and say that to my face!” Okay, those are not the exact words. The showbiz media really...

Friday, October 11, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: Adele’s new boyfriend

Adele, who goes by one name so you know she is a singer, has long been synonymous with singlehood. Hit album after hit album of hymns of heartbreak. Love lost, love unrequited, love tossed away as if it were an empty paper bag after the chips are finished, that’s Adele’s theme. So...

Friday, October 4, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: What did Tekashi say?

Tekashi Sixnine has taken a plea deal and is now in court snitching on the homies, leading to a rash of memes and internet gags. What is this that is going on? You want to know so you turn to me, the least reliable pop culture commentator in Africa for a simple explanation.  I’ll try...

Friday, September 27, 2019, 12:00 AM

The Simple Explanation: How Nicki Minaj retired

It started with an Instagram post in which Nicki Minaj announced that she was retiring to start a family. It continued with her saying ngu actually, not really, and that she is even putting out a new album. What is going on? Let me serve a simple explanation: Who is Nicki Minaj? ...

Friday, September 20, 2019, 12:00 AM

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