Two months ago, I received a Facebook Messenger note from someone I went to high school with. If my memory serves me right, it has been about 15 years since we last saw each other. The message read, “Hello buddy, I need to talk to you urgently, if it is possible, kindly get back to me or send me your number.” Since he added his number, I preferred to call him. I was worried, thinking he was in some sort of trouble. I loaded airtime and called. When he answered, going by the tone of his voice, I knew all was well, however, he seemed like he had a pressing issue to air out. I highly doubt he cared to know how I was doing, but I was sure of his excitement about his forthcoming wedding. I wanted to understand how I was connected to his wedding because he had never sent me a message before. He said, “You know it has been many years since I met my girlfriend, we have had ups and downs, kids, so I think it’s high time I met her parents. I am going to marry her.” At that point, I asked him to WhatsApp the rest of the conversation because he had a lot to say and I was running errands. He sent me a voice note saying he wanted me to be part of his organsing committee, which I turned down. He then added me to his wedding planning WhatsApp group without even asking if I was interested. The group had about 100 members in different countries, considering the country codes. So there I was in a group of people I hardly knew, with nothing about the wedding being discussed. On the contrary, they were always on unrelated topics. The essence for which the group was formed was lost. Since I couldn’t stand my phone buzzing every minute, I left the group. But then I kept thinking to myself, why would someone who has not been in my life for all this time, come back for a wedding? That is when it hit me that such people are the ones who only look for you in times of need or trouble, but when everything is okay, you never see or hear from them, until they need your help again. I am more than sure that after the wedding (in August), I will never hear from him again. Not too long after that, I woke up to another WhatsApp group about a wedding. I didn’t know the bride or groom, and the person who added me to the group was not in my contact list. I exited the group immediately. I don’t know the criteria people are using to get money for their weddings, but it seems some are even reaching out to strangers. In case you are organising a wedding, it’s better to have at least 90 per cent of the money you need so that other people can contribute the remaining 10 per cent. If you count on people’s contributions, you will get frustrated. It is your wedding, don’t have high hopes in people. Everyone has their struggles. They could be in debt, struggling to pay school tuition, rent and so forth. Do yourself a favour and plan a wedding you can afford. What matters is that you and your partner are happy. Splendor is not what makes a blissful marriage. editor@newtimesrwanda.com
