Perfection is an illusion, yet time and again people beat themselves up for their flaws. The entire idea of perfection suggests a state of faultlessness without shortcomings. This is not ideal in the real world. Mel Schwartz, a psychotherapist, posted on Pyschology Today that the desire to be perfect burdens many people and ironically dooms them to unhappiness. In our culture, we move relentlessly towards greater emphasis on achievement and goal orientation. When we do so, we seem to lose the capacity for wonder and awe. Could you imagine looking at a magnificent rainbow and complaining that one of the colours wasn’t perfect? Not only would that be ridiculous, but we would also be ruining the splendor of the moment, he notes. And yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections. We forget that as humans we are part of nature, as well. As such, we would benefit if we came into acceptance of the natural state of life, which by the way happens to be imperfect, Schwartz writes. Counsellor Robinah Ziwa highlights that seeking perfection as humans may be like a default setting, however, understanding that this is not practical should be instrumental enough in overcoming this delusion. “Looking past all your body image insecurities, your imperfections in how you relate or treat others is not something you can wake up and decide to do. You need to be intentional,” she says. First and foremost, the counsellor says, it’s important to avoid self-criticism. Stay away from the inner negative voice that keeps pinning out all the things you do wrongly. These thoughts make it hard to feel good or confident about yourself. “Accept your mistakes but don’t be too hard on yourself with harsh judgments and conclusions, for example, thinking that you will never amount to anything anyway. Avoiding harsh criticism is vital if you want to accept and embrace your own imperfection.” Vanessa Nyakairu, a public speaker, believes that it all lies in the ability to accept yourself as a person. “Understanding that you are human should be enough for you as a person not to seek perfection. Otherwise, to constantly measure yourself up to standards that are not practical or even non-existent will only make you miserable,” she says. “Open your eyes and make effort to see the difference between who you think you are and who you truly are. When you stop chasing the idea of perfection, that’s when you will be purposive in accepting your flaws,” she adds. Ironically, Schwartz is of the view that if someone ever could achieve this impossible state of perfection, it’s likely that very few people would tolerate him or her. For the perfect individual would be a constant reminder to all others of their shortcomings. Not to mention that they probably wouldn’t be much fun to be with. Who would really tolerate, let alone enjoy being with, someone who was perfect? “Usually, we strive towards being perfect to compensate for a sense of inadequacy. People who want to be perfect usually have an exaggerated sense of their own shortcomings. They typically received messages earlier in life that they weren’t good enough. So they decided that only by being perfect would they be beyond reproach. Perfectionists tend to think that other people are somehow better or superior to them, so they need to be without flaw just to catch up. This is a terribly damaging myth.” He hence highlights that the only perfection is in being present. “The closest thing to perfection is in the ability to be fully present. Without any distracting thoughts measuring or grading ourselves, we are free to really be in the moment. It’s at that moment that we’re truly alive.”
