Let’s talk about eggs for a moment. Shall we? I suggest we start by balancing the pros and cons. Pro: The strength of an egg The egg’s most underrated pro is, of course, what a marvel of geometric engineering it is. The egg is shaped in what seems like a squashed sphere, but what is really going on is that the type of oval an egg has makes it similar to domes in architecture, the strongest architectural forms. With that particular shape, you can get your most muscled gym-addict friend or enemy and dare him or her to squeeze an egg from end to end, but, because of its shape, it won’t even crack. The shape of the egg is such a wonder that had Ed Sheeran been made aware of this before he wrote his song, the lyrics would have been adjusted to “The shape of you as well, okay, but let’s not kid ourselves here, nothing beats the shape of the egg, innit?” Pros: Life Lessons We learn from this that even the fragile egg can withstand mighty pressure, so who are you to crumble under stress? You, too, should be like the humble egg and withstand. Because we know that if you attack an egg from the right angle you will fail to crack it. If you attack it from the wrong angle, though, as all of us do, it will shatter instantly. There is an important life lesson there as well. Con: The egg as an indictment on human nature The fact that we eat chicken eggs may seem, at first, to be a victory for humanity, but that is because we think about the ethics of food, unless it is badly cooked, ‘undelicious’ and rank, which is what I believe caused the modern rise in vegetarianism and healthy eating. Someone didn’t put enough salt in the eggs and that is why the salad became a better option for once. But we are talking about the fact that an egg is constructed of a yolk (that is the part that becomes a baby hen) and a white (which is to nourish the yolk as it develops). Therefore by eating an egg, you are not only eating the baby. You are eating the baby’s food as well. Con: It’s kind of racist All birds reproduce by means of eggs. And yet, we only eat the eggs of one species. I recently saw a turkey strut up to a chicken and utter some turkey sounds at it. I am no linguist, but I believe I can translate body language. First the turkey twisted its head side-to-side like Wendy Williams, the American TV star who does that to her head when she is going to insult someone. Then the turkey called its little turkiebabies (who may be called turklets or turklings) which then proceeded, at the behest of their mother, to perform a turkey version of the New Zealand Rugby Team’s famous Haka dance in front of the poor hen. At the end of the performance, the mother turkey, raised its wings as if to say, “Your move, now.” And the chicken hung its head. Again, I am sure this is not my imagination, or the whiskey I had been drinking at three in the afternoon, but I think a tear dropped from its left eye. It had no move. It could not call its children to perform a war dance in retaliation. It had no children. We had eaten them all. And no one ate the turkey eggs. Turkey eggs have more rights than hen eggs? Racist, man.
