Till a crime of passion does us part!

On the September 9 a Ghanaian pastor killed his wife in the city of Orlando. The man of God loaded his gun went to his wife’s place of work, a bank, and shot her dead in the presence of her colleagues. He was not a common ‘mwananchi or muturage’, he headed a congregation, he run a church, him and his wife were pastor and first lady of the church. It is after this incident that it has been discovered they were living a life of lies, pretence and one of keeping appearances. 

Pastor Sylvester had been reported by his wife severally over violence and all but he would go back to the pulpit each time to preach. I have said it before; relationships never need to get to that point. We all need to be able to discern, we should know when it is beyond repair, when it is time to run for the hills and save our life. This man had been positing messages on social media insinuating that his enemies were closer to him than his friends; he once posted that snakes don’t hiss anymore they call one ‘bro’, ‘babe’ and ‘honey’. Such a message put out publicly and other things going on in secrete in our relationships need not be taken lightly. When you relate with someone you know them best; you know each other better than us observers. We are outsiders. Couples have a tendency to come up with a formula that works to fool friends and family about how things are in their marriage, this is a disservice to them. As you are wearing a fake smile to show the world all is fine, you’re also the one dying quietly inside. 


Cardi B has filed for divorce from Offset, her husband of very few years, and the reason cited is infidelity, not once twice or thrice but throughout their relationship, yet these two were always posing like the great couple, it’s obvious now that someone was hurting silently. 


Recently a friend of mine concluded divorce proceedings and started life as a single mum of one. She had been married for three years, they both worked at a church they fellowshipped at. She tells me the man changed as soon as they started living together after the wedding. He treated everyone else with love and respect but not his wife. She did not want to talk to anyone about this or even let it show because they had an image to protect, they were trusted servants of God.  He had mastered the art of getting forgiveness out of her each time he was in the wrong till she could not stand it anymore. She left. 


For many of our relationships, the signs of bad days ahead normally appear but are ignored. We don’t take things seriously; we love to hope that someone will change. That is not bad, none of us is perfect. My only concern is, when you allow that to completely blind you to the point of someone shooting you dead. It’s not worth it. 


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