School fees for marriage

Like a very weird coincidence, I saw two different stories of people crying foul after being dumped by those they felt owed them their lives. A guy named Edwin dumped his lady when he was done with his studies and had gotten a job, thanks to financing from his then girlfriend, let’s call her Jane. In an exchange on WhatsApp that was shared as a screenshot, Jane pleads with Edwin not to leave her, she says how she has been through a lot to support him and sustain the relationship. In the same exchange, Edwin accuses her of sleeping around to which she responds that it only happened because she needed to make ends meet. She said how her salary was small and the needs were much more, including having to pay his school fees. This guy arrogantly told her he was never going to live with a ‘loose woman’; he retorted that he had found a new woman who respected herself. 

Story number two was of a guy who wondered why women never get married to the men who pay their school fees, he feels like it’s a curse because it has happened to him and a few people he knows. His story was; he paid this chick’s tuition up to university and even helped with medical bills when her mother fell ill. 

 

 I like it when a man commits whatever he has to making sure his woman is happy and comfortable, such men are rare but quite the ‘ish’. When Annabel finished school she got a job and by then the two were cohabiting. I don’t know what happened but the guy does not know either because it happened really fast. In the short time they lived together and she started working, she met someone else. Seems he found her perfectly ready for the next level. While paying school fees the guy took forever to even suggest they move in together, he respected her and from the onset was not really and openly paying her school fees to keep her chained, it was because he liked her and wanted her to be educated. It was only later that he fell in love, and because she was available, it only made sense for them to have an affair towards her final year — leading up to them living together as she concluded the year. It didn’t take long for Annabelle to move on to her new man and leave the ex feeling dejected.

 

I remember two stories that I knew personally and I tell you it seems like a cycle; over the years, men and women who have offered themselves and their resources to better or prepare a spouse for themselves, consciously and sub consciously have been left hanging. William was left by his wife after having one child together when his resources dwindled. It didn’t matter to his wife that for years he had toiled to afford her the kind of education he himself could not get. I could go on and on with examples. 

 

But the issue is, is it wise for someone to spot a potential partner when they’re young and start investing in them as a way of proving they are committed, or should we just wait to meet each other when we are ready and have done self preparation? Also, the issue of people complaining about guys they paid fees for but did not marry them, who forced them? Maybe things would be better if a discussion was held and from the onset it is clear that fees is being paid for someone to end up as one’s life partner.                                               

editor@newtimesrwanda.com

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