A few days ago, I wrote an article on the ‘small’ mishaps that trail single ladies in Rwanda. An opinion that stirred various emotions among several people. But isn’t that the beauty of the truth! Various single and recently married ladies supported the article with their own experiences. Some were advised against buying cars, as they would block suitors from approaching, due to timidity. How one’s advancement and achievements in life causes a lack of interest from the other party is perhaps a topic for another day. Others blamed the culture (fair enough), while one expressed shock when “someone’s son had the audacity to tell me that I am missing out on love because it is bad enough that I have a master’s degree and teach at university, how more intimidating would I become if I added a second master’s?” For the young lady who walked home (alone) after a date. The non-Rwandan girls who might feel like they don’t belong or that something is wrong with them (believe me, we have several) and to crown it all, the young ladies who have been told that their chances of getting a man are reducing gradually due to public promotions in their work, don’t let your worth and beauty be eaten up by society. So now what? Will the ladies hang their heads in shame for being single, and for constantly being asked why they are not yet married as they are way past 23? Or will they thrive, and hustle to make a decent and independent living while they enjoy life? The latter feels more enjoyable. Imagine pursuing and living that childhood dream, buying that car, getting that expensive perfume for your birthday, going on that trip, and treating yourself to brunch every once in a while? Why stash away your likelihood to have fun because you await Mr. Right? The poor guy is probably still gathering transport money to reach you. Give him time. But while he gathers his transport fees, how about the discovery of self? Investing in natural talents and gifts and growing into the woman you’ll be proud of a few years from now? Chances are that you’ve heard of the phrase, ‘Do you and the world will adjust,’ so, are you doing you or are you hopelessly trapped on the waiting bench? If we don’t go on a self-discovery journey, I’m afraid we might fail our future selves. Like many young people (yes I would like to still think that I am young, dear aunties) all over the world, we spend most of our time online, and most of our online activities are on social media. Unfortunately, social media for us has become a popular platform for unofficial beauty contests between us and the rest of the continent. Yet ironically, the usually shunned countries have won world titles and a number of continental beauty crowns in what we presume to be excellent at and naturally gifted with (beauty), but I guess that doesn’t count. Likes and retweets are enough for us. Little wonder, when a foreign resident aired her perspective on Rwanda(ns), some representatives from the other gender attacked her looks. How ludicrous! Beauty just doesn’t cut it and the painful truth is that, as long as it is all we have to offer, the work being done by inspiring female figures in this nation might waste, yet it should instead be celebrated for influencing the younger generation of innovators and entrepreneurs. The belief in the myth that it (beauty) is an achievement might be the greatest downside of all gender parity efforts. But before I trail off and forget why I started writing, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea (for us young people) to stick notes on our mirrors, reminding us of the important things: self-worth, focus, and the betterment of others. The author is Rwanda’s first female saxophonist and a communications team player at the African Institute for Mathematical Sciences (AIMS).
