KWEZI AND I: The unending guilt trips

Time. Just a word when you read it but one that really carries a lot of weight. You never really appreciate the weight of time until you grow older. I have been thinking about how this year flew by and wondering what I have achieved.

This year, thankfully, was better than any other. I still didn’t use my time well but I have some small milestones that I can tick off and say that the year did not all go to waste. That said, I am particularly talking about time today in the context of a mother. How much time do I spend with Kwezi? I would like to think that I try but I can definitely do better. I will tell you why.

Anyway, just the other day, I noticed that there seemed to be something in Kwezi’s ear and when I took her to a doctor, they prescribed medicine in liquid form and then they will deal with it in a week.

Everything was going okay until just the other day I decided to work from home. Obviously that is never a very brilliant idea when Kwezi is around because that little girl just won’t let me be. Anyway, moving on, I was playing around with her and I pretended to be whispering something in her ear. However, every attempt made her turn her head around and offer me the other ear, not the one of my choice. I also realised that she was making me repeat whatever I was whispering to her. It hit me then that actually, my dear Kwezi was only hearing in one ear thanks to the temporary issue that we were trying to fix. I was surprised, shocked and sad all in a space of like one minute. I wondered how long she had had this issue. A week? Two weeks? I started thinking about all the times I scream her name and she doesn’t respond. Is it typical child behaviour or was she not hearing what I was saying? I was caught in a web of emotions, and one of them was guilt, which I have come to believe is part of this parenting process.

What happens when you don’t spend enough time with your children? Do things, the good and bad, pass you by? Was it possible that this could have passed me by since on the outside, Kwezi looks as healthy as can be?

I was reminded of what my mother always tells me, which I sometimes laugh off. She says that you must inspect your child every day when you come home to see if there are no bruises or some weird rashes. That said, she is fine. We will fix the ear issues this week but I think it is time to start taking my mother’s advice seriously, and of course to spend more time with this little one.

editor@newtimesrwanda.com

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