If you had asked me where I saw myself in five years, five years ago, I wouldn’t have had an answer. Even if I had one, I don’t think that it would have involved motherhood, but here we are and I have never been happier. What an interesting journey of growth this has been.
I have watched my once very silent, chubby baby grow into a feisty little girl with an opinion and one who wants to be given an opportunity to make choices.
This past week, we took one of the milestones that we have been looking forward to for years. Kwezi started school and I was keen to see how this would turn out. Here I was, in a car with her on my lap and all I could think about was how time flies. I had to pinch myself a few times to make sure that this was not a dream. Here I was, not only as someone’s mother, but I had actually paid someone’s tuition and I will be doing so for many years to come. When did I become this grown up?
Anyway, since Kwezi and I have are very touchy feely, always sneaking in a hug, a kiss when we are not fighting, I felt that it would be hard for her on the first day. I imagined how she would burst into tears and insist that I don’t leave her with these ‘strangers’ that she had just met. I had romanticised the whole scenario and nothing really prepared me for how further from reality I was. I literally did what most people call “dying in your own movie”.
The moment we entered the class, I walked to the teacher and did the introductions. They showed her where to sit and I hugged her and walked very slowly to the door waiting for a scream. None came. I turned very slowly and realised that my little girl had found other little humans and she didn’t even remember or even care whether I was leaving or not. I called her name and waved and she raised hers and very excitedly said “bye mummy”. “What?” I looked on in disbelief. “I am your mother, at least show some little emotion little girl,” I thought, but the girl was minding her business and I was forced to slowly walk away, head bowed, wallowing in rejection.
When I picked her up that afternoon, I could see a new glow on her tiny cheeks. She was a happy girl. I was a happy mum and when she turned and waved at her classmates and bounced off with a swagger, I knew that we were ready to take on the world.