KWEZI AND I : Living in fears

Kwezi started her end of year examinations this week. I think that she has no idea what this means exactly, because she seems to be confused about why she isn’t being sent home with a homework package. My only attempt towards making her understand that she was in a ‘critical’ period of her school year was to ask if she was doing exams and she shouted excitedly, ‘exams!’ I left it at that.

The thing is; I am exhausted. I feel like I have also been doing my examinations, only that in my case, there is no reward of a two months long break. On top of that, we have this month been struggling with thieves who are keen on robbing us of the little belongings we have.

I have always told those who know me that my biggest worry is not being robbed; I mean, things can always be replaced. My biggest concern is waking up to someone in my house or even worse, the person standing over me and my child. I don’t think that I am strong enough to stay calm or even alive. I could die of a heart attack due to the shock.

Again, my death is not what I think about the most. The imagination of an intruder makes my blood go cold, but the idea of someone being in my house when my child is around really worries me. If any harm should come, it should come to me and not my child.

Anyway, if you came to our house today, you would either laugh or be confused. Before bed, we check everywhere, just in case someone entered the house and hid in a corner somewhere. The good thing is that our house is very small so it really isn’t tasking. It is the only time I have thanked God for not living in a mansion.  

We have also bought some abnormally big padlocks which we use on the front and back doors. The padlocks are a constant reminder of how an intruder has made me and my child feel unsafe in our home. I cannot believe that I even contemplated putting two padlocks on each door. While this makes me feel that we are safe, I feel like we are in some sort of prison.

The beauty of being Kwezi’s age is that none of my worries and concerns keep her awake. The truth of the matter is that she doesn’t understand any of it. She goes to bed and sleeps like there are no problems and worries in this world and sometimes, I am envious. That said, the number of my prayers has increased and it would be nice if you added yours. We shall be fine, after all, we serve a living God.

editor@newtimesrwanda.com

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