I have I have just finished binge-watching “The Office”, an American sitcom about the employees of Dunder Mifflin a paper company.
The show ensemble comprises characters with greatly divergent personalities but for purposes of my argument I will focus on Dwight Schrute-a salesman and Toby Flenderson-the Human Resource Manager.
Schrute is a self-assured outspoken egotistical maniac who thinks he is God’s gift to humanity. In contrast, Flenderson is so soft-spoken and withdrawn that you can hardly make out his words. He is forgettable and friendless. He is also seemingly nice, gentle and easy-going, which makes him the Regional Manager’s punching bag.
Ideally, no one would want to end up with either of the two characters because they are far too extreme. However, given a choice, I personally think that an arrogant man is the lesser and in some cases far less dangerous of the two evils.
Yes, arrogant men take up a lot of emotional space. They think so highly of themselves that your opinion of them matters a lot less than you’d like. They are often loud. They are frustrating.
But the thing that, in my opinion, makes them better than insecure men is that they are self-assured.
The importance of self-confidence in a relationship cannot be overstated. Just ask anyone who has ever dated an insecure man with a fragile ego.
See an insecure man needs constant validation. He needs a constant supply of praise. It’s your job to make him feel good about himself.
It’s your job to keep your emotions in check so that you don’t hurt him. You have to walk on egg shells around him.
You have to be careful what you say, how you say it, when you say it. He will not take criticism in a good light no matter how respectfully, gently or lovingly you put it.
This constant need for validation also means that you have to keep your ambitions in check because if you do better in your career he will resent you. He sees your drive as a threat to his masculinity.
It’s not enough for him to be wanted. He wants to be needed. You can prepare yourself for guilt-tripping and manipulation because he will go to great lengths to assert himself.
An insecure manis always susceptible to physical, emotional or verbal abuse. He feels like an underdog so he has to assert his authority and gain respect in some way even if it is in the form of fear. He beats up his wife.
He is verbally abusive to his children. He goes out and rapes a defenseless and innocent child. He lashes out at strangers on social media.
On the flip side, he could be like Toby Flenderson; quiet and unassuming. He allows people to walk all over him. He builds up frustration and anger until one day he stabs his workmate or sets his house on fire while his wife and children are asleep.
So while arrogant men might be intolerable, I find that insecure men are significantly worse.