There was a time I believed almost everything my pastor preached and I had absolute blind faith in God. Today, I question many things as I’m sure many people do. I still believe in God because you have to believe in something and I still read my Bible, though I have to be honest, not every single day! While I want to believe this whole spiritual journey, revelations and miraculous works of the past, I also see some cracks and the atrocities and misdeeds committed by some clergy over the years aren’t helping. For all we know, this whole thing could have been made up. One of my biggest doubts is the concept of Life after Death. I so badly want to believe it but common sense tells me that it may not be the case. As in we live and die. End of story. I feel like if God wanted us to believe in the afterlife, then He’d have given us some more proof. We’ve all lost family and friends. I wish at least one of them came back to tell us all about it. I remember praying fervently every time someone I knew died and they weren’t Christian. In Catholic School, we were taught about Purgatory, Hell and all that and so I begged God to make exceptions for my departed friends and loved ones. I fasted and held my own vigils in the hopes of trying to get their souls into Heaven. I realize now that it was all radical but when you lose loved ones, you hang onto anything just to come to terms with the loss and I guess when it hits you that you’re never going to see these people again, you’re desperate for any kind of solace. Then there are unanswered prayers. Don’t you get impatient or even mad when you pray for something and it just never comes to fruition, whether that’s a job, a promotion, a baby, healing or whatever your need may be? “Wait on God,” your Pastor says and 5, 10 or more years later, nothing to testify about. Isn’t it easier for someone to believe if their very specific request is granted? And the frequently asked question: Why do bad things happen to good people? Worshippers struck by lightning or terrorists in the church of all places. It doesn’t make sense. Why doesn’t God protect His people? Why let evil triumph especially when we’re taught that God is all-knowing and surely He must have seen all this coming and could’ve prevented it if He wanted to. I fear that it’s all a figment of our imagination or one big coincidence! The other pressing question? What or who preceded God? In the beginning, it was the word... So what came before the beginning? Couldn’t have been a vacuum. And what will happen after we all die? Will Jesus ever return? When? I just need some answers!
