Balancing relationships and work

From time immemorial whenever someone has a chance to interview or interact with a career woman who seems to have her life in order, one question is always asked, how do you balance work and family? This is mainly in reference to husband and children.

I did a simple survey on different social media platforms and many of my married friends were glad I had brought up the subject, they shared personal stories of how during the courtship they struggled with responding to calls and messages, work, lectures (for some) and boyfriends that insisted on physical meetings. And that by the time they got married, they were already too tired and shortly after, children arrived, meaning they would never have time for themselves. Oh, well, for some time.

As for my single friends; ‘I’m really exhausted, mixing love and work, sparing time is a hustle,’ said Matthew.

Andrew too had something to say, ‘Work-girlfriend, I failed….’

Sandra, Aissa, Lillian and several other ladies agreed it was a tough job. Aissa went on to say whenever she has failed to find a balance, boyfriend has fallen victim and was dumped.

One thing is clear, many take for granted the amount of work and sacrifice one has to make as a girlfriend or boyfriend to ensure the relationship survives to the day when people are invited to the wedding. Very few of the invited guests could be privy to what went on before that day.  

Kristina recently ended a relationship after trying so hard to make it work. Boyfriend wanted to be seen, work was calling and as a single mother of one, there was a child to look after. She said it became too much to bear and she was forced to call it quits.

Clearly in life all titles come with expectations; there is a boyfriend somewhere who is expected to take a girlfriend out, make visits and calls and there is a girlfriend being forced to cook and wash for the boyfriend in order to qualify for the ‘revered’ title of wife or husband for that matter.

We need to observe a moment of silence for women who get asked about work and family only when they’re married, it is possible they feel so bad that nobody cares to know or hear of their efforts before marriage. They feel horrible, but at that point, nobody cares.

It is disheartening for a human being to take part in a competitive race (read dating) invest a lot in the ‘training’ and on the final day, win the race only for people to congratulate them for that day and disregard the early morning training sessions, gym and running up the hill to make sure the fitness is tops.

Time has come for us to realise that every stage of a relationship is crucial and demanding and leads to the next. There is no way we would win the race without taking part and training for it, everything in between should be appreciated. 

Follow Jackie on

Twitter @JackieLumbasi

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