The Counsellor's thoughts...

Dear Edina

There is no smoke without fire. If two maids have come out to complain about romantic advances from your husband, then this is evidence enough that your man is a habitual flirt. Temporary or not, flirting with someone else when he’s married is disrespectful.

Unfortunately, some men like attention from other women as it boosts their ego. Similarly, men cheat for a variety of reasons ranging from seeking emotional connection or simply, an escape route.

Regardless of the reason, infidelity is wounding and it can create a permanent crack in your heart causing feelings of anger, betrayal and resentment which may result into high levels of emotional distress.

The first step is to make your feelings known by using a polite approach. Try to open up about how his actions make you feel. It’s unfit for a man who values and respects his wife to reduce himself to flirting with the help. Your marriage has changed and if you decide that you want to move forward then you should find the cure from the roots of the problem, i.e., find out why he is always hitting on the help.

Reflect on the possible reasons that could be behind this behaviour. Although some men are naturally weak, some women do unknowingly create opportunities for their husbands to ‘slip’.

Is it possible that you are ignoring your partner or have disconnected from him emotionally? Be physically attractive and an overall happy person. Becoming rude, gloomy, quarrelsome or nagging will only push him away.

This could be the difference between winning his heart back and losing him forever. If he is unwilling to change, then seek professional help.  Find a qualified couples’ therapist or pastor to work with you to resolve this issue and begin to create healthy boundaries around your marriage.

Make the right decision for yourself and your husband and always remember to love each other first. Give yourself time to reflect on what happened and what’s best for your relationship to remain solid.

Ask him what you can offer to help him end this behaviour and strengthen your bond. He will soon realise you’re the best woman and that he can’t live without you.