There are people who commit everyday crimes against humanity and that deserve to die – like people who un shell boiled eggs and then proceed to shamelessly eat them from your crowded office cubicle. Like those people with chronic bad breath but that insist on talking to you while their lips are literally touching the tip of your nose. In fact, why do people with halitosis love to talk to the rest of us with their mouths so close to our nostrils? In fact, why do they speak so aggressively, jets of saliva have to dribble out of their mouths and onto the collar of your white cotton shirt? However today’s Loose Talk is not about these two types of losers. There is another category of losers – people on a mission to make this world a better place the Mother Theresa way; that is, through small gestures of kindness to humanity. I hate this busybody do good lot simply because nobody is really interested in their favours. Well, some of their favours at least. This, of course, is not to say that my life is all about hate, hate, hate. I will for instance never hate a man who offers to write off my debts unconditionally. I also can’t possibly hate you for asking me for my mobile money account number … well, provided I will be on the receiving end of the subsequent transaction. Speaking of mobile money, I know of people whose sole purpose of registering for the service was so they can receive money channeled through their account. This, of course, is wrong, with only a few exceptions. Ever heard of two-way traffic? Right, MM is about sending and receiving, which I what I meant by two way traffic. But this is supposed to be about people who offer unsolicited offers and help. The kind of people that will offer to accompany you to this place or that, but then demand that you wait for them “for like three minutes” as they get set. There are two problems I see in this: the first is that who wants your company if it has to come at the expense of my precious time? Second problem is that even if I decided to wait out for you, “for like three minutes”, those three minutes will grow to a figure of ten or even fifteen. Worse still, you won’t allow me to complain! You will say; “why are you so impatient? What’s the hurry?” To avoid all this, I say to you again; I don’t need your company, so go away already. The other type of favours that I have always distanced myself from are those involving a friend lending you a movie, a book, or music. The problem with taking these favours is that, once a friend leaves you with their book or music or movie, they will no sooner expect positive feedback and rave reviews about what they lent you. They want to feel flattered that at least they share some tastes and sensibilities and such. But we don’t like it when you force a response from us way before we have even turned a leaf of your novel, Mr. Lender. Actually, most times we never get to read that book in the first place.
