Ask the counselor: I'm scared to tell my parents I'm pregnant

I am 22 years old and moved out of my parent’s house after I got a job because I wanted them to see that I was responsible and could look after myself. My mother didn’t really take it badly but my father acted like I was a rebel. I talked to him and told him that I just wanted some sort of independence and that my actions were not meant to disrespect him. He let me go but he still wasn’t happy. I got a place and my boyfriend would come around from time to time. Everything was going on well. However, three weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant and when I shared the news with my boyfriend he flared and told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because he wasn’t sure he is the father. I haven’t seen or heard from him in a while and it has stressed me to the point that I wish I could terminate it. How do I tell my parents? They will be completely devastated because they believe in no babies before marriage. Even with a job, that doesn’t pay that much anyway, I do not want to have this baby on my own. I have never given my boyfriend reason to doubt me so I am shocked by his behaviour. I have no idea what to do. Aisha, Kimironko The counselor’s thoughts... It’s time to look at our parents as our “earthly gods” because their words possess extraordinary powers that bear direct impact on our lives, breach of which, gets us into such dilemmas. Getting a job as a source of income was a blessing that you would use to draw closer to your parents because at 22, you still needed parental care, protection and guidance given your tender moral inability to carry on with a purely independent life. The prospects surrounding your case reveal three errors that would have been avoided if you had structured your thinking along a more rational line. Leaving home without your parents’ full approval, engaging in premarital sex and reluctantly conceiving with an unprepared man all contributed to this mess. This however doesn’t give any right to judge you but rather use the past experiences and find the most appropriate solutions to rectify the situation and deter similar future happenings. Sit down with your partner and explain the potential of shared responsibility as you softly get deeper with his emotions. His reaction is defiantly rooted in fear and any such young boy would be afraid of such news as a first life experience. Use his closest friends to help approach him about the issue. You may not change him overnight but certainly expression of your feelings will gradually capture his positive attitude. It’s common that some men deny responsibility at first, but that isn’t the end, he just needs those nine months and he will be ready once you insist. His responsibility to the pregnancy is a lifelong solid truth that can never be deleted by a mere word “no”. Be strong and do not think of abortion as he may suggest. A mistake can’t be rectified by another mistake. This is a despicable act of killing that’s legally, religiously and morally doomed and puts your life at risk. If he doesn’t change absolutely, then consider leaving him and raising your child as a single mother. Seek forgiveness from your parents and if your father is hard to approach, begin with your mom and ask her to convince him. That natural bond will definitely bring out the parental heart to forgive and reunite with you as their daughter. ************* Your feedback: Readers advise Aisha Always listen to your parents Mathew Girijambo Some young girls hear stories about men getting girls pregnant and leaving them immediately and think people are joking. I think you now see what point your father was trying to make when he called you a rebel. Well now, where is your boyfriend? All you have are your parents, so go to them. Your parents will always be there for you Florencia Teta You only have one card left to play and that is the fact that you still have parents. No matter what, they will always be there for you so go and apologise and tell them exactly what happened. They will not be happy but they will understand. Abortion is not the way Sandrine Mulekatete Abortion isn’t legal and is not an act that should be done by a sane girl. You could lose your life and I don’t think that is a smart move. Sorry you had to learn through experience. Make the best out of this situation Aphrodice Kwizera You have parents that can support you. Don’t bother going to abort and risk killing both you and the baby. It’s a shame the lad did a hit and run. You have your whole life ahead of you young girl. Make it count; that baby is meant to be born not killed. Don’t make another stupid decision Jean Musabe So all this while you thought he would stay with you after getting you pregnant? Only a few men do that. You have to be smart after making such a mistake so I don’t expect you to abort when you have a mother and father that can take you back. FACEBOOK: Talk to your mother first Esther Arot Don’t bother getting that lousy boy back in your life. Go talk to your mother; she will probably shout at you but take you back, then together, talk to your father. Those are the people that truly love you, not that poor excuse for a man that wants to have premarital sex and not take responsibility of the consequences. Your baby daddy is with another woman Josh Banks Why are you even thinking that he will come back to you? For all you know he could be with another girl right now. You are not alone Sandra Kamikazi You can’t make such a decision when you have people to talk to. You have parents and they haven’t denied you yet so go talk to them. God will see you through this Cathy Ninsiima Why worry when you can pray. You aren’t the first to get pregnant and certainly not the last. Put it all in God’s hands my dear. Don’t cry over spilled beans Peace Nalubega Stop wasting your time wondering about the baby daddy that ran away. He is never coming back until the baby is all grown. Move on. Abortion will only bring you trouble Joy Asianut You really don’t like your life, do you? Abortion isn’t for someone like you with a job and both parents. Please send comments and stories to womentoday@newtimes.co.rw or visit our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/ewTimesWomenToday?ref=hl

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Ask the counselor: I'm scared to tell my parents I'm pregnant