Diaspoman: Why free things are expensive

Last weekend, Aggrey took me to the famous Kwita Izina to enjoy the glamour, nosh and drinks. I think the organization was perfect and there was no chaos at all during the time for meals and drinks.

Last weekend, Aggrey took me to the famous Kwita Izina to enjoy the glamour, nosh and drinks. I think the organization was perfect and there was no chaos at all during the time for meals and drinks.

I am told that in the previous years, the people from Kinigi would surge forward to the tents to help themselves for food and drinks while guests watched on in awe. Not this time though – the security personnel was up to scratch and they performed a great job.

For us, during the mid-90s, we used to go searching for such gatherings where there was free food and booze! So we used to target high class parties. In fact, the truth of the matter is that we were never ever invited for such parties. The only parties that Aggrey and I would be invited for during those mid 90s happened to take place in Nyamijos or Nyabugogo.

This was the kind of class that we were considered to belong to. The weddings at Nyamijos and Nyabugogo belonged to penniless couples who would squeeze themselves in a small hall and feed on cassava tubers.

 Naturally, Aggrey and I would always attempt to dodge such lousy weddings. For us, wedding ceremonies had to translate into crates of Heinekens instead of sacks of cassava tubers. That is why we always found ourselves gate crashing the top class parties. We would enter the area unnoticed.

Immediately, Aggrey and I would go straight to the corner where the ice cold drinks would be served from. But due to our unquenchable thirst, we would pick up empty bottles from the garden and proceed to fill them with all tribes of booze. Sometimes, we mixed UG with Dry Gin plus Red label. After filling the empty bottle, we would toss them over the fence.

As guests would be dancing away through the night, Aggrey and I would also climb over the fence. It did not matter if we were spoiling our nice attire during the process of climbing over the fence.

We then jumped to the other dark side so as to join our dear bottles of booze. Off we would go to enjoy our punched spirits at our home in the then Kiyovu of the poor. This kind of lifestyle continued for a number of months until we decided that man would not live on booze alone.

We convinced ourselves that we had to start feeding our bodies with some real food. The only solution was to smuggle food out of these parties. We told ourselves that since we could toss the booze over the fence, we could do the same for the nosh!

 So, the next big party arrived sooner than later. Our plan was to toss some roasted meat over the high fence and then shortly follow the meat by climbing over the high fence. For this particular wedding, the fence was very high. We either had to get a ladder so as to climb over, or we had to take a few steps back and then sprint and jump over.

It was going to be a very hard task. Anyways, we had to do what we had to do. For us, it was Mission impossible. Okay, we started to search for polythene bags from the garden. We then proceeded to pack the bags with all tribes of roasted meat. We added in some chips, matoke plus salads. We then tied the bags and threw them over the fence.

 However what Aggrey and I were not aware of was that behind that high fence was a group of fierce, hungry dogs. So when we threw the nice smelling roasted meat over the fence, the dogs became very excited.

They had found some food at last. As for us, we were also excited that our mission had become successful! We had managed to get the nosh across the fence. What was remaining for us was to join our loot.

We then struggled to climb over the wall. It took us about 15 minutes to finally reach the top of the fence. We then counted 1, 2, 3 and jumped. Ouuuch! We landed right into the middle of the strong dogs. There was no escaping! It was now our turn to be chewed alive. Indeed; free things are actually expensive!


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