My panties are staying on if…

So, next week will mark my two-year anniversary of being single and boyfriend-free. Initially I was thrilled to not be attached at the hip to my insecure and possessive lush of an ex-boyfriend.

So, next week will mark my two-year anniversary of being single and boyfriend-free. Initially I was thrilled to not be attached at the hip to my insecure and possessive lush of an ex-boyfriend.

But lately, I’ve been feeling that relationship itch and have decided to dip my toe back in the dating world once more.

The problem is my results have been less than stellar thus far. It seems that the men who approach me find someway to eliminate themselves from the running before we even start.

1. You are a grown man who still answer to childhood nicknames.

Guys, if you are of age and still go by Jr-DON’T. I simply can’t take a man seriously who calls himself anything other than his god given name on the regular. If you tell me your name is J-Moneyee, Pookie, Scooter, or Shadow, my panties are staying on. Wanna be taken seriously? Hit me with your government name.

2. You live at home with your mom

Unless you are taking care of a sick relative or have a darn good excuse for not being on your own, don’t step to me if you don’t have keys to your own place. Look, we’re not in college anymore and I don’t want to have to duck and dodge questions from your meddling mom.

3. Ebonics is your first, second, and only language

“Ay, shawty, wuz gud wit chu?” Facepalm. As women, we fall for you with our ears. There is nothing less appealing than a man who can’t string together a complete sentence. Knowledge is power. Get yourself some.

4. You are too pushy and don’t respect boundaries

My body, my rules.Period.

5. You act too eager for the goodies

If I mention to a guy that I am a writer and he doesn’t ask me any follow-up questions pertaining to my art, the panties are staying on. This isn’t Craigslist casual encounters buddy! At least pretend to give a damn, before you attempt to get the booty.

6.You refer to women as females or bitches

I don’t know why this chafes me, oh wait, maybe because I’m a woman, not a dog? Leave the derogatory name calling for the locker room. If you don’t have the good sense to not call me out of my name in front of me, in what other ways will you disrespect me?

7.You are unemployed

Why are you trying to date if your pockets are light? Don’t you know how expensive we are? I kid, I kid … kind of. Expecting a man who is interested in me to have some financial muscle isn’t about being a gold digger. It’s about being a smart human being. I have my own, so why shouldn’t all potential suitors be in equally good standing? Perhaps instead of trying to get with me, you should worry about getting your grown man on? My daddy didn’t raise no fool. You have to have a j-o-b (and preferably a B.A. degree) to ride this ride.

 

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