Love counsellors and witchdoctors have a lot in common. They dispense lots of helpful stuff to others but can hardly help themselves when they are in need of services right in their homes. According to those into the world of juju, a witchdoctor can’t dispense his medicines to his children or immediate relatives. That the gods and dibia or whatever they call those cowries, can’t accept to work when the instance is relations.
So it is that when the so-called love doctors go about giving you charming advice about how to handle your relationship, they can’t do it for themselves. And that includes yours truly…
Love counsellors, like physicians, are used to biting the bullet whenever they face relationship woes. Doctors tell you do what I say but don’t do what I do, so that they go about with chain smoking and sleeping in beer bottles, while relationship counsellors are wont to help you but will never have the brain to handle their own issues.
It is a common thing to find a love doctor who charms his audience with tales of conquest, how to get a lover and how to sustain a relationship and such things, spending his nights all to himself. When the urge gets to his head, he uses his palms.
The lot who indeed get married end up running their affairs like blimey flower girls at a windy wedding reception. Everything will be too much for them. While they can tell the world outside how to tame the noisy and nosy wife, they will submit to theirs at home. So the woman will shout insults at him, force him to clean the carpet, rock the baby and say all sorts of things in his face.
However, in failing to take own medicines, relationship doctors learn a thing or two on how to handle these issues. These life lessons are the ones they pass on to you, so you should continue adoring them like a baby adores her mouth so much so that everything that gets into its hands has to go into the mouth.
Are you the general or the civilian in your love life?
Today, I chose to write on both sides of the coin. In Uganda, an army general is the talk of town and toilets after asking intelligence – which he heads – to investigate allegations of witch-hunt and assassinations being planned by some elements. Gen. Sejusa, a.k.a Tinyefuza (pictured above) is not a small man. If anything, he is like Mswati III.
You know how the Swazi king domineers over kraals of virgins in his ‘island’ of a country? That is Tinyefuza. When he talks, everything shakes, but now they want to arrest him like a cockroach. That’s the irony of life.
Do not lead in your love life. Humble yourself to her, let her be the boss as long as she doesn’t become over confident or takes things for granted. For the women, you can double your humility before your men.
It is better to serve your man and get him feeling guilty at the mere thought of taking another woman out than to play Miss City Ace, trying to go out every night, and hyping your own self-importance, only for you to return one day and find a peasant girl changing the bedsheets. You will have lost in a more humiliating fashion.
You know, if Gen. Tinye is arrested now as you read this, it will be some toys that come in the form of overzealous army corporals – such lowly ranks – who will be humiliating him. Do you want such a thing in your love life?
If you have read this far, you must be a connoisseur indeed!