On Monday, Dick – not real name and pun intended – came to my clinic in Remera. He said he had a problem but he could not quite gather the courage to spit it out. His Adams Apple moved up and down like a shaft in an oil drill. When he eventually opened up, he said there is a girl he loves so much, but that the Miss is seeing someone else. They are about to get engaged, he said, almost breaking down.
He looked pathetic, but I wasn’t about to tell him so. I needed the consultation fee he was going to pay. After a staccato of questions and answers, the conclusion was thus: Dick has been admiring Maria for long. The two have been going out, but nothing much on the romantic lane yet. Instead, Maria has a boo, to whom she is almost getting betrothed. Now, Dick is confused; how can I win her for myself? he asked.
I told him to employ the strategies and tactics of guerrilla warfare because it is one of the best ways he can disorganise Maria’s boo and snatch the girl at the eleventh hour.
“What is guerilla warfare? You actually mean the guerilla tactics can be used in a love triangle?” Dick asked. But he didn’t have enough money, and I wasn’t about to dispense free medicine unless I was sure he was on the verge of suicide so that it becomes necessary for me to place life ahead of money. So I just advised him to go and read about the warfare. We are to meet today, but to be lenient with him, I decided to write about what I was going to tell him.
Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, says strategy and tactics of guerrilla warfare tend to involve the use of a small, mobile force against a large, unwieldy one. The guerrilla force is largely or entirely organised in small units.
Tactically, Wikipedia goes on, the guerrilla army makes small, repetitive attacks far from the opponent’s centre of gravity with a view to keeping its own casualties to a minimum and imposing a constant debilitating strain on the enemy. This may provoke the enemy into a brutal, excessively destructive response which will both anger their own supporters and increase support for the guerrillas, ultimately compelling the enemy to withdraw.
So, Dick, you are going to have to be calmer than a cucumber. You need to be laidback before Maria. Let her keep guessing why you like her so much yet you don’t show any romantic interest. Women tend to see right through our intentions, so if you can keep them guessing and in the woods for long, the day you say it, turning you down becomes hard.
Don’t be rash in a manner that will make Peter see clearly that you are interested in his girlfriend. Instead, like a guerilla, play with his psyche. Attack when he withdraws (read is out of home), retreat when he returns, and reconnoitre at the right time. Ideally, your guerilla tactics will be based on the following to undermine Peter’s authority through long, low-intensity confrontation.
Intelligence assessment will require that you develop forecast of behaviour and course of action, based on a wide range of available information sources both overt and covert. Review Peter’s manners and your previous engagements with Maria.
With the right information, you should able to know when to take Maria out without Peter being the least suspicious. Take advantage of the dense foliage you have created between you and Peter. He won’t be expecting you at all.
As long as you play the laidback persona, it will be difficult for Peter to see through your intentions if you create beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth (as in half-truths or omission). You can even pick up another chick, with whom you ensure Peter sees you cozying up to all the time. This way, he will believe you are in a relationship and, therefore, unlikely to tap his White Ewe.
Now, armed with information on how Peter runs his affairs, you are going to assess the highs and lows. Then get to your wit’s end and turn the highs on their heads. However, you must not be caught, because the consequences are grave to your reputation. Maria might throw mashed potatoes in your face.
And when you are caught, don’t say Dark Knight said it!