Communicating with emotional integrity

IT IS PRETTY obvious that where emotions are involved communication should take place and when communication is happening conflict may as well be somewhere roaming around to see if there is havoc going to reign.

IT IS PRETTY obvious that where emotions are involved communication should take place and when communication is happening conflict may as well be somewhere roaming around to see if there is havoc going to reign.

Just how well do we deal with issues can be our fist way to address stress and conflict and the best way not to address this is by avoidance. Flaring of words in anger or acting all sweet in a bid to cover the pain is denial. All this does not solve matters; it actually makes matters worse and tends to worsen the relationship and distance the parties involved.

To communicate with emotional integrity, one should be ready to test and be tested in terms of reasoning and response. This scares a lot of people – if not put off completely – but the truth of the matter is that for any effective communication to take place, one has to take responsibility of their words and deeds. This therefore brings in the issue of honesty in speech and example when a woman has something bothering her. When she is asked she often answers, “it is fine” but the truth is that she is not.

After we have heard what our partners have said to us, it is our duty to validate the same and this is not done by assumption but will work well by rephrasing, i.e “I feel like we are distant from each other.” Now that can mean a lot of things but to get what your partner really means it is wise to ask, “Just to help me understand did you say you experience a distance between us?” This will be taken in more positively than when you attack. It is also wise to make yourself the subject with the use of “I” rather than you.

In case you are the one seeking audience from your partner, ensure that you clarify and be as honest as possible. This does not necessarily mean that you say all that is in your heart all at a go but what is needed is choice of wording and how to best say them and when to say them. In case you are the one being addressed, then it is wise to listen carefully before issuing a response. Women are guilty of answering without taking much consideration in what they are saying.

It is very important to handle one issue at a time without bringing other issues that either happened in the past or any other thing that is not relevant to the issue at hand. An example would be when dealing with finances and then one remembers what the mother in-law did wrong and bring it up.

Do not ever walk out on your partner while they are addressing you no matter how annoying they may sound. That is decoded as disrespect. And do not leave matters unresolved. This helps to avoid dragging on issues.

 

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