LIKE PIT LATRINES, squat toilets are not favoured by many people when there is a choice of a flush toilet. However, unless you are really that high a social flier, one will inevitably find him or herself in a situation where the call of nature pushes one harder than the ability to select a posh toilet.
In most parts of the countryside, toilets come in the form of the traditional long drop pit latrine. Usually, this is housed in a small mud hut covering a small dark hole into the ground. The hole itself may be just the size of a brick, a situation that calls for “aiming”.
Get used to a squat toilet and you could end up favoring it over the sit-down facility.
First, do yourself a favor and remove all your bottom clothing when using a squat toilet. If there is no hook or nail on which to hang them, find a way to hang them somewhere, so they won’t get wet. Alternatively, you could just throw them over your head.
Then proceed to squat down till your thighs nearly hit your calves and the legs are spread over the hole of the toilet opening, feet on either side of the bowl, and arms resting on top or on the sides of the knees.
Now you are ready to do your thing.
Should one of your legs get tired or “fall asleep” during the process, feel free to lean the pressure onto a single leg or even stand up half way to give your knees some relief.
But the hardest part of using a squat toilet is the act of cleaning up after the deed. Usually, there are tools available for you (toilet paper, water), but you must prepare for that time when all the resources run dry, and it is up to you to discover the most effective solution (which no teacher will teach you in school).
While other toilets are built with toilet issue as the main clean-up option, squat toilets are typically built with water in mind. The more posh squat toilets even come with a spray hose.
I have hoses that emit just a trickle of water, to high pressure devices with triggers that might make you jump off the toilet upon impact. The method is the same; aim the hose and spray until you are clean. What is not clear though, is how one shakes off the excess water after the spray hose procedure.
It is only on rare occasions that one will find toilet paper in any squat toilet. But if there happens to be a supply of TP, I think we all know how to use it. But if you want to avoid having to deal with water, you will have to move around with your own tissue everywhere you go.
But, what happens when there is no water, no TP, no bucket, NO nothing? Well, sadly, you may have to sacrifice your underpants and handkerchiefs if it comes to this.