NEXT WEEK WILL see us embrace the super Valentine’s Day! As the pockets continue to cough and sneeze in sheer shame, I am busy trying to strategise on how to cheer up my lady on this special day but also save some quid! Cost cutting implies that I have to take her to cheaper joints where a stick of brochette goes for five hundred francs. But alas! My lady seems to be a sophisticated one. I guess I’ll have to emulate something that Aggrey and I did many years ago on such a similar lovers’ day!
Yes, several years ago, Aggrey and I were faced with a tough decision. We had this challenge of taking our young ladies for the dinner of the year. However, our pockets were already in a state of weeping. They were weeping because our salaries had already been wiped out by the 14th day of the month. When we applied for a salary advance, our boss reminded us that we had not yet cleared an old mini loan and therefore we could not be eligible for another advance.
Aggrey and I sat down to strategise. Then as usual, Aggrey came up with this brilliant idea. Why not go and negotiate with the chief waiter at the hottest restaurant in town? Why not convince him to serve us with a special low cost bottle of red wine so that we pay less? Wow! His idea seemed to make sense. So, on the 13th day of February Aggrey and I visited this posh restaurant. We beckoned the chief waiter and promised him a hefty tip if he could accept our plan. The chief waiter beamed from ear to ear and offered to help us.
Our next visit was at the Kisimenti supermarkets. It was from these supermarkets that we paid for a sizeable bottle of coca cola. We then dashed back to our chief waiter and handed him the bottle of coca cola. “Please go ahead and mix this coke in water. Do not dilute it massively. Then pour the soda in an empty bottle of wine. When you see us arrive for our Valentine’s dinner, please bring the coca and pretend that it is a special red valentine wine all the way from Cape Town”. Again, the chief waiter winked and beamed.
Our plan was now in motion! On that special Valentine’s Day, we majestically walked into the posh restaurant. With our ladies in red, we sat at the most cozy of corners. With the soft love ballads in the background, we called the waiter. “Hey garcon! Please tell the chief waiter to bring us our special red wine!”
A few minutes later, the waiter came over with the most expensive red wine you would ever see. Aggrey and I almost fainted. We almost got chocked. Where the hell was our Coca? Then it dawned on us.
Apparently, the chief waiter never reported to work due to some illness. We were cooked! There was little choice but to open the expensive red wine and wait for the unpleasant valentine’s mega bill