I want love, not trauma!
I could live in grass thatched, mud walled, and flea infested hut – with Ryan Reynolds (if he were broke) by my side any day! With deliciously good looking men like Channing Tatum, who needs food really?
I could literally chill in the jungle and eat wild berries for the rest of my life, picking the lice out of Johnny Depp’s head – who needs television when you are with Johnny?
They say girls love money, that’s true – however, some girls (especially chicks like me), will not be caught dead next to any man who reminds them of that troll that traumatised the three Billy goats – not even for a Rolls Royce or some island in the Caribbean!
I know it is not nice to call people ugly but you see, it is not nice to call people poor either! For one, I do not know where I would get the courage to sleep with the ‘goblin’ in the first place. Yes, these things need serious courage – don’t be fooled about how happy a chick looks when posing with her new Bentley – console yourself and think of the problem that is waiting for her at home.
Also, how would I ever show my face with this alien lookalike by my side? I do not want to go out for dinner with the man, and then watch people lose their appetite the second they look at him. I don’t want to have to tell him that staying in our ‘tinted window’ car is the best solution on a night out because he might scare other people away. I do not want to weep every night when that ridiculously fat, gigantic nosed, acne covered…’thing’ in the bed is waiting for some hanky panky. Gross!
Looks won’t put food on the table, neither will swag, but if I can live a comfortable life with a decent looking human being, that’s fine by me. Money will buy diamonds and cars, and everything fancy in the world, but it will never buy happiness or love – and I’d die before I ever compromised my happiness. I love myself THAT much!
So maybe, Mr. Handsome and I will live in some beat-up apartment, probably having one meal a day, maybe even sleeping hungry sometimes, but like I said, there are so many games we could play to forget our meager issues – yes – adult games…when you have that, you really do not need food, better still even worry about it!
I want nice things but not at the expense of sleeping with an even uglier version of that thing we watched in Predator, that old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie…give me the hut and Chris Hemsworth instead!