Bachelor blues

Bachelor: A great many generalizations and misconceptions spring up on mention of this word.
Moses Opobo
Moses Opobo

Bachelor: A great many generalizations and misconceptions spring up on mention of this word. Misconceptions that, as a bachelor myself, I’ll not shy away from disproving. Watch dis..!
You people have learnt to lump all of us bachelors together; that we are simply men who are not yet married.

The belief is that we share similar interests and character traits. You also go on to assume that bachelorhood = the perfect life.
That is not true! On the contrary, I think that bachelorhood is a complicated way of life, often devoid of the fun and freedom so closely associated with it.

Generally speaking, there are two core types of bachelor; let’s call them ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’ bachelor for lack of a more apt description. The primary bachelor is the more humble, less sophisticated breed of bachelor.

This is where you find the younger single men, with their ages generally ranging from 18 to the mid 20s.
Usually, they are fresh from college, and if lucky to be employed, still work at entry-level jobs, which offer a basic subsistence wage.

This type of bachelor tends to live up with a friend so that they may pool resources in order to maintain a fairly decent life while minimizing costs.
Generally speaking, primary bachelors eat fast food seven days a week, and put up in messy houses, sometimes even allowing mold to grow on their plates.

There is an overall lack of structure in a primary bachelor’s life.
The secondary bachelor, on the other hand, is the one who has advanced financially, professionally and in age from the primary stage.

Much cleaner, responsible and mature in outlook, he is between his early to late thirties, steadily employed, and, who knows, maybe even armed with a decent pay cheque.
These are the ‘most eligible bachelors’ as the society pages of our newspapers so like to put it.

Naturally, the primary bachelors also strongly crave to graduate to these ranks before making the ultimate leap into marriage.
The real defining characteristic of the senior bachelor is his relative maturity and handsome pay cheque. As a direct result of this newfound economic freedom, this class of bachelor usually opts to live alone.

The senior bachelor’s pad, although neat and tasteful, is still not stylish enough to appear like a home in which a woman could soon move. Yeah, boys will be boys!
Unlike the primary bachelor, who does not give a damn what his crib looks like, the senior bachelor tries as much as possible to make his house woman-friendly. Typically, a senior bachelor’s house screams: “This is a comfortable place.

Let’s go to bed!” Once the Primary Bachelor enters his mid 20s, he begins to tire of the life. He tires of eating fast/junk food 365 days a year, he tires of the mess and litter in the house, the mold growing on the plates; the dirty bed sheets...

Despite the obviously improved living conditions we see in the senior stages of bachelorhood, most bachelors tend to stay shorter in this period than they did in the initial bachelorhood stage. Why?

It boils down to a simple principle we were taught in economics class; that, as an individual begins to afford and accumulate nicer things in life, he tends to seek better care for himself and for these things!


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