Rules of the office holiday party

Well, the office holiday party season is with us. And here is how to survive an epic night of company cheer:

Well, the office holiday party season is with us. And here is how to survive an epic night of company cheer:

If your company’s holiday party is taking place in a swanky hotel with piles of lobster, expensive champagne, top-notch artistes (local or regional) performing live on stage, immediately run back to the office and clear out your desk, because your company is declaring bankruptcy tomorrow.

If you see the company CEO at the holiday party, walk right up and give the boss a 90-minute, detailed lecture on all of the things you would do differently if you were the boss. Highly encouraged! All CEOs love a good unsolicited 90-minute lecture. But if he fires you, don’t say you got the advice from Saturday Times!

Dancing at the office holiday party is a bold move – though not as bold as dancing by yourself at the office holiday party.

If you used to be a decent Intore dancer “back in the day,” and “the day” was sometime during the Habyarimana’s rule, you might want to reconsider hitting the floor.

If your company holiday party is a karaoke party, do yourself a favour. Get a co-worker, spend a few francs on a vocal coach, take six weeks of lessons and master Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton’s Islands in the Stream. It will be a smash hit, and you will both become office legends and will probably get promoted the next day.

If you’re showing co-workers videos of your cat on your iPhone (that fake Chinese iPhone you bout in Nyabugogo), it’s time to hail a taxi moto home.

No, you don’t need to go to K-Club after the company holiday party. That’s for the employees 25 and under and they’re already freaked out that you’re in the car with them and demanding to hear Pesa Pesa.

Finally, please to sneak out with wine bottles. Stealing wine, for a person of your stature, is embarrassing.

 

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