Letter to Mr Bill Gates

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates, yet you are selling us Windows? Are you for real? Is that not weird? No, that is weird. Very, very weird!
Moses Opobo
Moses Opobo

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates, yet you are selling us Windows? Are you for real? Is that not weird? No, that is weird. Very, very weird!

Sir, on my PC, which is made by your son, Microsoft Corporation, there is a ‘start’ button, but no similar button for ‘stop’. I humbly request you, Sir, to look into this matter.

I also find that there is ‘run’ in the menu. Recently, one of my friends clicked ‘run’, and do you really want to know what happened to him?  He ran from Kigali up to Musanze! So, we (yes, him and I) request you to change that to ‘sit.’ Will you, or is that too much to ask?  Please change the ‘run’ button to become “sit” so that we can click it by simply sitting.

Another thing is, is there a ‘re-scooter’ option in my computer system? You see, I found only the ‘re-cycle’ bin, but I own a scooter at my home! I upgraded from the humiliating ordeal of having to commute to work pedaling ages ago!

There is a ‘Find’ button but the one on my PC seems not to be working properly. Or is there something I just don’t get here? See, Mr Gates, a careless buddy lost the key to my door, and we did everything we could to trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but our efforts only yielded naught. Please rectify this problem, Sir.

Sir, my neighbour also has a bone to pick with you, and has asked me to voice his concern. Y’know, his child recently learnt ‘Microsoft word’, and now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’ as well, so when will your vast team of software wizards provide that?

Then again, I bought a Microsoft computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’: when will you update us your loyal clientele with the remaining items?

As if that is not already too bad, Sir, I find it surprising that Windows says ‘My Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine in there. Instead, all that I can see in the “My Pictures” folder are four pictures: one of the blue horizon, another of a reddish sunset, yet another of lilies, and one of snow washed trees. Of what real use these particular pictures are to me, that I’m yet to figure out; with your help, hopefully.  So when will you include my photo in there, and how can I get it to your IT team? Do you have an e-mail?

I am also wondering; if there is ‘Microsoft Office’, then why can’t there be ‘Microsoft Home’? I want to get a PC specifically for home use, seeing as I don’t always finish my work within the stipulated office hours.

Sir, it was you that provided us with ‘My Recent Documents’. When do you plan on giving us ‘My Past Documents’? Sometimes, we are looking for long ago documents, not only “My Recent Documents.”

Finally, you are notorious for providing ‘My Network Places’ on your machines, but for heaven’s sake please do not go ahead to develop ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my girlfriend know where I go after my office hours and I’m sure the same applies to you.

Your loyal client,
Moses

 

Have Your SayLeave a comment