DJ-ing? No, thank you!

Absence of manners is the single biggest devil I encountered during my brief and not-so-ceremonious stint as a DJ. People came up to the booth, coarsely bellowed in your ears at the tops of their lungs, really making you look worse than rubbish. Rudely, they demanded their request; “NOW” or “NEXT!”
with Moses Opobo
with Moses Opobo

Absence of manners is the single biggest devil I encountered during my brief and not-so-ceremonious stint as a DJ. People came up to the booth, coarsely bellowed in your ears at the tops of their lungs, really making you look worse than rubbish. Rudely, they demanded their request; “NOW” or “NEXT!”

The benefits of being a DJ are immense: You are generally not required to be at work before 9pm (where else?), and your getting drunk is positively encouraged, cheered even (again, let’s be honest, where else?)

Nothing will make a jockey puff up his chest like seeing a room full of people going insane to the mad tunes he is spinning. It is an honor.

In fact, there is only one downside to this otherwise oh-so-incredible job. It’s the thing that ruined my chances of becoming a pro DJ...

Don’t get me wrong. Most of you are lovely people. That said, you also know that a lot of the general public are a bunch of suckers once they get a few big Primus bottles popped. Sozzled out of their minds, they switch off their verbal filters and speed governors.

So, take this if you are a member of the general public (and I know this doesn’t apply to YOU, but you might know someone this will help); Remember what your parents taught you – manners cost nothing! 

Absence of manners is the single biggest devil I encountered during my brief and not-so-ceremonious stint as a DJ. People came up to the booth, coarsely bellowed in your ears at the tops of their lungs, really making you look worse than rubbish. Rudely, they demanded their request; “NOW” or “NEXT!”

Do these people go to grocery stores demanding two loaves of bread and airtime ‘NOW’? Do they burst straight into King Faizal Hospital with utter disregard for the queue, and demand their malaria or sleeping sickness to be healed ‘NOW’? Perhaps they do. But hey, “PLAY IT NOW!” is the single most annoying thing any DJ will have to get used to.

If God had intended DJs to be jukeboxes, he would have created them with coin slots in their foreheads! Then again, when was the last time someone you told was rubbish did you a favor? Just a thought.

Like one walks into Cadillac Discotheque on a reggae-themed night, marches straight to the DJ arena, and demands ‘any song by Jay Polly or Miss Jojo’! Dead wrong! If we are playing reggae, pop, salsa, whatever – chances are we will stick with that.

How should some one expect the DJ to shuffle the whole playlist, just because you have been forced to the disco by your own woman?

Most jockeys like to showcase some of their coolest underground tracks, songs you never knew but will like if you do. A lot of the time, I was stuck with only one option; having to play only the “hits”, the “top 40.” Not being able to play what I wanted was enough to make me give disc spinning up for good. “If you in the crowd are that good a DJ, why have you just forked out handsome money to be up in my club? Shouldn’t you be at work in a rival club if you are a better jock than me?

Waitresses know about serving us what quenches our thirst at the bar. Soldiers wield fire arms to protect us and our material acquisitions from the vampire who will sneak up in the dark. And all that vet doctors know to do is making sickly little pets feel better.

DJs? Well they know how to spin a mean tune that will get a crowd going. Standing there telling them what will blend well into this tune, and what will “get everyone dancing”…..look, they know all that!

 

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