Cohabit: to live together as or as if a married couple
As you probably have already figured out, I will be bringing up a topic not many of us Rwandan woman think about, but we do find ourselves in situations where we have to discuss the looming question with the better half …should we live together?
You have been together with your lover for about four years now, marriage is a topic you have mildly discussed, and you can actually see a great future with him, so taking the next step and moving in with that person naturally doesn’t seem too bad right?
You can go half on bills, make dinner together, and help each other out after a rough day etc…seems like a pretty sweet deal from where you are standing. However, everyone has an opinion on why it wouldn’t be that brilliant an idea for you to move in with each other. The old saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” basically means, why would he propose to you and marry you when you are already cohabitating and being everything a wife should be?
Personally, I feel that everyone’s relationship is different and cohabitation works for some while it ends up disastrous for others. Some couples already know what they want in their relationship and moving in together is a way of saving money so they can plan a beautiful wedding or buy their first house together. If both individuals go into the deal with a clear picture of what is going on then it works out fine.
One misconstrued idea about moving in together for some women is that it makes them seem less independent. I understand paying your own bills and getting your hustle on has now become the criteria for how independent you are but let’s be honest, if that is the only reason you won’t move in with the man you will probably marry in a year or two, then that is not right. Don’t do it because you fear people will see you as a weakling or that you will disappoint every feminist around the world. Make the right choice depending on how you feel and make logical sense. Just think about it, you would be able to afford way more shoes now that you can save on rent.
One of my friends lived with her current husband before they got married and she actually advocates for cohabitation. She told me that she enjoyed learning about her husband’s quirks and his lack of financial sense before they got married. Imagine moving in after you are married, never knowing that your husband, in all his glory, has the worst snoring habit or kicks in his sleep?!Or that he is horrible with money since you never really talked about finances with him before you had to join accounts. I’m sorry; I do not like surprises and definitely would not want to be awakened in the middle of the night to find out my husband sleep walks - that would creep me out!
Anyway all I’m saying is make the right decisions based on what you really feel is best for your relationship because only you know what goes on behind closed doors. Believe me, if he loves you he will buy the cow and pay for the milk while he is at it.