If you need a torture method, try Telemundo!

Some of you might not be familiar with the word ‘Telemundo’. It is an American television network that broadcasts in Spanish. I use the word to refer to Mexican soap operas – those irritating things on STVE (no disrespect to Star Times) that are insulting to my intelligence and seem to have the same plot.
Rachel Garuka
Rachel Garuka

Some of you might not be familiar with the word ‘Telemundo’. It is an American television network that broadcasts in Spanish. I use the word to refer to Mexican soap operas – those irritating things on STVE (no disrespect to Star Times) that are insulting to my intelligence and seem to have the same plot.

I know you are wondering how I know they have the same plot seeing as I’m writing this article to strongly deny any obsession with them.

When I first got my decoder, I was happy to have something else to watch other than TV Rwanda (no disrespect again). As most channels are in French, STVE was a dream come true... imagine my utter distress when I realised they only show Telemundo.

Worse is the fact that they advertise styled up things like 24, but never actually show them! At this point, even old episodes of Mr. Bean would be sheer heaven! 

I have been around people who seem to worship these nonsensical things. Some women literally fly over cars just to get home in time. If you so much as cough or sneeze while they are on, a heavy ‘sshh’ will clog your ear, if you are unlucky, it will be a shove out of the room with orders to take your hullabaloo outside!

I noticed Telemundo peeps do not have the ability to refer to someone by their first name alone – they literally use the whole name. ‘Juan Victor Manuel Santos Rodriguez, how have you been?’ And that is one brother talking to the other.

The desperado women dress like they are about to hit the red carpet for the American Music Awards, even when they are just going to sit at home all day, cursing the lovable heroine for winning the heart of the man she swears is destined to be hers.

The heroine never fits in with the high status circle of the boy she loves because she is usually unacceptably poor.

Even more depressing is the fact that they love each other to death but simply can’t be together; apparently forces are against them (read desperado woman). It takes them about forever of our time to figure out that they actually belong together!

Don’t ask how I know all this, I did my research. I can tell you now, if you want to know every dirty secret of mine, grab me and throw me into a room with only telemundo as a companion. In about a jiffy I will confess – and just to get out faster, I will gladly confess to other things I know nothing of!

 

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